Spinning spinning…

[petrichor]

Hi @wellwellwellnez 

it is our human rights but then with so many single laws what are our human rights? 
I’ve had my human rights breached so many times in my life since I was a little child and there is no justice for the wolves, they’re a protected species. No justice system whether it was for the sexual abuse or discrimination ever even wanted to listen to me, let alone prosecute someone. What are human rights if western society / legal system cannot even take sexual offenders of 8 year olds to court? No one protects anyone without having their own benefit. Makes me sick. I don’t think I’ll ever come out of the closet now. I’ve been hiding my thoughts and feelings all my life, pretending to just fit in, surely it won’t hurt for a little longer?

[wellwellwellnez]

I'm so sorry for bringing up any painful memories @petrichor @ .At the same time, I'm so glad you brought this up. You're voice is so important right now. It's crucial. Whatever the way forward is, part of it is breaking silence.

Know this:

I'm willing to beat drums for you.

We're not alone.

The world is learning.

The world is yours.

[petrichor]

Thank you @wellwellwellnez 

I’m not strong enough. I admire everyone who speaks up and fights for our rights but I’m not strong enough. I’ve often wished I had been aborted and have struggled with suicidal thoughts all my life. When I tried to speak out things went wrong and I attempted suicide a few times. I’m still recovering from the last one. Sometimes it would be better if I had never been born in the first place. I’m difficult, I always was. I don’t want to be with myself.

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hey @petrichor 

I'm so sorry to hear how tough things are feeling. Sometimes the night can make these feelings even louder. 

We are all sitting with you tonight, however if you feel you need more immediate support please do not hesitate to reach out to any of the following:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat 

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling 

Samaritans: 135 247 

If in immediate danger: 000 

  

Keep safe tonight and take good care of yourself 💜

[Appleblossom]

@petrichor 

That is extremely sad and horrific what you have endured.  Severe suicidality is difficult to come back from, but you are still here.  @wellwellwellnez is right in that your voice needs to be heard.. 

I hate to say it but I had to do a lot of research into the child sex abuse stuff, and they are very 'normal' responses to those kind of early trauma experiences. So the shift in my narrative has been away from the use of psychiatric diagnoses and towards all the issues that contributed to my family's experience.  There were 4 of us who experienced some kind of CSA.  Its not just coincidental.  I did not mean to be flippant in my earlier post.  I was deadly serious.

I really hope you do find someone good enough to work with you through your stuff ... I am mostly finding understanding and so therapy online.

Take Care

Apple

[wellwellwellnez]

That's fine. It's fine to be as strong as you are. I wasn't asking anything of you. I was and I am thanking you for voicing yourself here in the immensely brave way that you have. I should have made that clearer, before.

It means a lot but it's important that you put yourself being well first. No pressure here. Just respect.

[petrichor]

Hi @Peregrinefalcon 

theres just too much going on in my head. I feel stupid to call when I don’t even know where to start or what the worst is at that time. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself. 

Hi @Appleblossom 

i listened to the song when I first saw your post.

thank you for sharing your experience. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

CSA changed me but then I don’t really know myself any different. I get upset that nowadays parents still don’t teach their children and listen to them. 

sorry I’m just a bit out of my head. I don’t even want to look at the news with the tensions in Russia. 

[Dimity]

Following this discussion @petrichor ... CSA at 3, told at 4 I wouldn't go to heaven when I died, emotional neglect. A lifetime of feeling unlovable and unloved. The grown-ups are discussing human rights and I'm hiding under my metaphorical doona.

Thanks for your insights @wellwellwellnez @Appleblossom 

[petrichor]

Hello @Dimity 

[petrichor]

Hi all,

I’m going offline for a bit, feeling unwell.

take care