@petrichor 

That is extremely sad and horrific what you have endured.  Severe suicidality is difficult to come back from, but you are still here.  @wellwellwellnez is right in that your voice needs to be heard.. 

I hate to say it but I had to do a lot of research into the child sex abuse stuff, and they are very 'normal' responses to those kind of early trauma experiences. So the shift in my narrative has been away from the use of psychiatric diagnoses and towards all the issues that contributed to my family's experience.  There were 4 of us who experienced some kind of CSA.  Its not just coincidental.  I did not mean to be flippant in my earlier post.  I was deadly serious.

I really hope you do find someone good enough to work with you through your stuff ... I am mostly finding understanding and so therapy online.

Take Care

Apple