Not Coping

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member I’ve never tried recording nature sounds myself, but that does sound like a lovely idea 💖. It sounds like you’ve had a rewarding day, you have a really big heart 💖

Sense of safety is really important to me, I think it’s especially true for those of us who have a history of trauma. My day hasn’t been great, my brain has been chewing on a lot today, it’s processing too much

[Former-Member]

@Birdofparadise8  glad you’re there, I hope all goes well, and yes I’ll keep an eye out for your posts when you’re ready dearest 🙂💜🌺

[Former-Member]

Yes I was thinking that one of those little high fidelity microphones that plugs into the phone would work well.. just need to save up.. 🙂

@creative_writer ☺️🌺

thank you - that’s really kind of you to say, and I really appreciate it 🤗🌺💜

Yes I think sense of safety is completely valid after having experienced trauma; the most challenging bit is trying to find balance when feeling that need for safety… I still to this day make the conscious effort to try to attain a good balance there 🙂🌺

Sounds like today is brain bandwidth-heavy, with extra thinking happening..I’m sorry to hear this is happening 💜🫂

I know how difficult it can be sometimes to try to pace that down a bit, and how it can be disruptive when trying to get other stuff done, however gently remember to be kind to yourself while you’re still finding ways to manage, heal, and build resilience sweetheart 💜🌺🫂🙂

[creative_writer]

@Former-Member it is true high quality mics are expensive. I just use an app or I have playlists that have music plus nature sounds.

Feeling safe is hard with cptsd, I don’t even feel safe within myself. I think I do know what safety feels like and calm but I haven’t felt like that for a very long time.

I’ve been thinking too much today. Trauma can be complex and there are many layers. I don’t want to take over @Birdofparadise8’s thread so I won’t go in depth

[Birdofparadise8]

Hi @Former-Member 

It was something that's for sure. 

We worked out that what happened with @ENKELI was abandonment that's what I felt. 

Then we talked about session regularity and moved it to a fortnight how sad. I nearly started to cry about it. But he said why don't I trust him and keep it for a fortnight and that he can work around it if I need a session. 

We went over by 30 min lol. 

I can't believe I nearly cried right at the end of the session as well. We did some DBT stuff which helped actually. 

His reason for fortnightly is because it gives me more time to work on things. 

It's been so hard the past few weeks but oh well. Looks like I'll have to cope. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I told him how it would be a long two weeks. He said I did it this fortnight and I said yes and it was really really hard. @Former-Member 

I’m not sure I like this. 

He also said I could be feeling as if he is rejecting me. 

[Birdofparadise8]

Hey anyone around to talk?

[Jynx]

@Birdofparadise8 for me rejection and abandonment inhabit the same part of my trauma, so I may have just used the words interchangably last night. The distinction I was trying to make was around the fact that a perceived rejection/abandonment and an actual rejection/abandonment can trigger the exact same heightened response. But yeah being left (abandoned) is different to someone deciding not to befriend us in the first place (rejection) so I can see why that distinction is important.

But it doesn't matter as much about what I think - about this, or about crying in therapy, or about frequency of appts; what matters is what you think. Do you think you ought to be able to cry? Do you think less frequent sessions could help you, in the long run? If you don't know the answer well... sometimes all we can do is go along for the ride until the answer becomes apparent. Experience is the best teacher, after all 😉

I'm off for tonight, take care hun.

[Birdofparadise8]

Right okay @Jynx 

I have no clue so I guess I'll have to. 

Ah, okay, night then. 

[Birdofparadise8]

I am feeling so lonely right now. 

I'm doing some diamond art and got some music on. It's alright not helping that much.