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Something’s not right

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: My Mosaic

I sure hope that I can walk out of my schema therapy group real soon and not fall apart. It took me 1 1/2hrs to drive a normal 20 min drive home. It’s so taxing on my emotions. I had to pull over and get myself together cause I was not coping and it wasn’t safe for me to keep driving. I’d usually call and speak with my SW but she was away today. 

Today we did a role play (shudders) thankfully we came up with scripts before hand and just read off of a piece of paper. But it was still hard. But it was a good example of how our coping modes protect our vulnerable child from the inner critic, and also how the coping modes can block the healthy adult from the vulnerable child too. 

Then we came up with healthy adult responses for all the different modes. I had nothing to contribute cause I struggle so much to hear my healthy adult self. 

They didn’t do a grounding exercises at the end, which was feedback I gave them weeks ago and they said they would do them. 😩 Makes me feel not heard. Not part of the group (they went around at the beginning and asked how everyone was, but they didn’t ask me). Talk about triggering my inner critic before we have even started. 

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: My Mosaic

Hahaha @Bow the lego artwork you shared is amazing!! Very clever hehe. How'd it go at market? 

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: My Mosaic

@Bow Just caught up on your post above - sounds like a very heavy day hun! 

 

It sucks they haven't been doing grounding like you asked. Perhaps because it's not part of the facilitator's regular routine, they forgot? And just need a little reminder? 

 

Do you still feel like you got something out of the group today?

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: My Mosaic

Maybe I could email the facilitator and remind them about the grounding exercises? I don’t know. I don’t wanna be annoying @Jynx 

 

yeah guess I still got stuff out of it. And we got home work to do this week. 

haven’t taken the Lego piece to market yet. Will do this Sunday. 

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: My Mosaic

I’m really not ok tonight. Constantly feeling on the verge of tears and desperately wanting to just disappear and not be here anymore. I’m utterly exhausted from constantly fighting, I’m over my life being dictated around my eating disorder and all the appointments I have to attend. Nothing really helps, nothing ever really gives me any relief from the relentless noise inside my head. I’m so very lonely. I’m constantly in severe pain and there is nothing I can do about it, it’s my own fault. I want out. 

Re: My Mosaic

Hey @Bow 

Not much I can say to help. I do know that you've had a really hard day too.

Sitting here with you hon and listening 💗💗

Jynx
Peer Support Worker

Re: My Mosaic

Aww @Bow sending you some very squishy huggles hun 🫂🫂

 

I can imagine you're feeling pretty burnt out on recovery at the moment. It happens to us all tbh. Is it something you could chat to your SW about? IDK maybe having fewer appts and stuff every week might give you some time and space to just be... 

 

Here for you darlin 💜

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: My Mosaic

I’m sorry @Snowie  but I got no fight left. I feel so broken. Shattered. 

Re: My Mosaic

No need to apologise @Bow 

If you feel this way then so be it.

 

Bow
Senior Contributor

Re: My Mosaic

It’s not living, it’s just existing.

 

im sorry 😢 

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