I do mostly paint by numbers @Jynx i love to paint and that way I can do it without having to think too much. I sometimes do some freehand stuff though. Sometimes I get images in my head that help explain how I feel. I try to draw it. I sometimes show my psychologist, my old psych use to love to interpret them… I always found her interpretation interesting and she would see things that I didn’t notice and didn’t mean to do. Sometimes it’s easier to draw than put things into words.
I chatted a bit more today about that roadblock around my gp with my support worker today. She thought it was the gp that I had the issue with, I explained no. It was the bloods that I need to have. That I feared the results and what that meant. She asked if I wanted to avoid hospital and of course I do. I don’t want hospital at all, I don’t want any medical intervention. That’s if my bloods are bad. But if they are all fine, then that tells me I’m not sick. That I need to push myself even more.
I had a chai this afternoon. Thought maybe something in my stomach would help with the chronic nausea I am experiencing all day, but it didn’t. And I did something new after that chai that I haven’t done before. Out of desperation.
My anxiety is increasing about my CM appointment tomorrow and I’m also getting anxious about Mondays pdoc appointment. Scared that if I refuse to do my bloods that they will continue to hold back on my meds.
im so desperate @Jynx
