Is meaningful change possible

[Former-Member]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope - I love the photos and story of the cat community and their parks ❤️ Sounds like my kind of place. I had 8 Persian cats when I lived on a property - I have loved cats since a young child and bond with them. I have two house cats at the moment - I couldn't live without them. 

In the rural area I use to live in, I have a friend whom rescue cats on her 40acre farm. She is currently looking after and feeding 400 cats. Yes, she definitely is the crazy cat lady with a heart of gold. Look forward to seeing more photos. Thanks for sharing 😻

[Former-Member]

@Dothemo - most defintely change is possible. If there is a will there will always be a way. To find that will we need to nurture determination, inner fortitude and insight of what direction/path we choose to go down. It's about making wiser choices that enhances life versus self destruction and defeatism. It's facing our pain and fears by walking through them to where we want to go. Who we want to be. All promotes sounder mental health. By not letting an illness or label define us (a good movie that depicted this was "A beautiful mind" starring Russell Crowe)

When you speak of "meaningful change" there has to be purpose in ones life.

I did make major decisions in my thirties after a lot of soul searching and made some wiser decisions that did put my life on a better course, enhancing inner healing and strengthening of my mind. It hasn't been a bed of roses but a worthwhile fulfilling journey. Just bearing in mind along the way that life was never meant to be easy...and it's pushing through the disappointments, hurts, self doubts and dark times that we reap the rewards of contentment.

There were times that I did get stuck when my emotions, fear, grief, losses or doubts etc took over. So there were times of crisis. It's about not giving up and making the most of our life, the most of any positive opportunities presented - not allowing self doubt and pain to stop us. I am 56 now and find I am continuing to grow and evolve. It does not stop until the last breath and is never too late.....

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member .... 😊

[utopia]

@Former-Member. That's a beautiful reflection. Your words are so right. Thank you.
It's good to remind myself this, every now and then.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member ....

There is a lot about that that sucks .... but I hope, little by little, you can start piecing things back together in baby steps.  You deserve recovery of your life, even if you have lost motivation to do so.  Here Yu are not alone.  

I have several walking "tracks" near where I live.  I love to walk, and will walk 8km, but I will be just as happy walking hills for 10 minutes, or along a river for 30 minutes.  Can you map out some walking paths in your area for different lengths of time, and get your tooshie moving again ?

If you are like my hubby, and I refer to him as WH (wayward husband) he has all-or-nothing tendencies which I think align with addictive behaviour.  At some point he is going to have to learn to moderate.   Excessive exercising is one of his problems.  Do you walk now for the enjoyment of it, rather than a pursuit of body image ?  I know excessive excercise produces an endorphin rush, but the regular gentle exercise provides endorphins too.

In the wake of this new version of e.d. arriving on our doorstep I have started to learn much more about e.d.'s in order for our family to survive it.  I refer to "this version" because in hindsight it is clear that he had BED for 25 years before that, and it's only in recent years that BED has been identified as an e.d.

The BED was masked by workaholism .... another potentially contributing factor.   Now I understand it to be an OCD behaviour, but it's also about perfectionism, and it's addictive.  Then I just saw it as the survival of our business ... in hindsight it's clear that our industry attracts and validates workaholics.

There are other familial background things, like an idolisation of thinness, lack of emotional connection / processing, carrying adult responsibilities while he was still a child, reward-with-food mentality, focus on success and achievement for identity.  I now have a DIL struggling with BED and bipolar, and can see contributing factors.  The bipolar has a hereditary line.  I am guessing that your recovery path has made you familiar with contributing factors, as these have to be countered by degrees as a part of the redirecting and healing process.

WH has the excess skin issues.  He has lost the same amount of weight before, but gained it back when he couldn't spare the time for exercising and began to comfort eat again.  This time something changed significantly.  I think he geared up with extreme determination, and launched into a diet and excessive regimen that has ruled our lives for the last 7 years.  Something changed in his mindset ... I think under starvation conditions he set up in the first 12 months, and it has taken him from us for the moment. I say for the moment because I am determined to beat this thing.  Our challenge is in trying to walk him home, and it's been a torrid path.

I encourage you to try to establish patterns of self-nurturing, and let results and life changes flow out from that.  

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you by sharing too much.  

💜

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Dothemo and I hope that @mohill may read.........

This is Anne Devenson's book :Tell Me I'm Here: One Family's Experience of Schizophrenia

She recently passed away, she was a great great mentor for women and I think one of the people influential starting up Sane Forums. 

She wrote in this book that having a child with spending times with MI health is nothing to do with how well or how badly you bring up your child but the place in birth the child is in ( the oldest, the youngest ) when the first original shock happened. For instance: In my two son's life; The fist shock was the diagnosis of my oungest son's health and quickly followed by a divorce/seperation and that my oldest son did not have his Father around as much. 

I'm pretty positive that I have written correctly, can you moderators or other forum members tell me if I'm wrong ? 

PP 

[Dothemo]

Hi @Former-Member

Thank you so much for your ideas on this. I'm absolutely overwhelmed at the positive information I now have. I am printing this whole thread out. I definately feel that it isn't to late for me now 🙂

Hi @PeppiPatty

Thankyou!  I tried to buy it then on Australian kindle but it isn't sold on the store, I shall have to buy it in paperback format.

[Appleblossom]

Birth order is known to partly shape personality, but it is only one of the factors to do that.  So many factors add up to whether or not a person may experience long term MH issues.  I believe that EVERYBODY experience MH issues at some time in life, otherwise they are not human ..

Sorry to butt in ..

Its an important topic 

[PeppiPatty]

 @Appleblossom

Agree Agree .....Also I have been reading some messages and I'm thinking how it is so easy to place ourselves in the back in the room with just words ......

YOu are someone I think about and care about a lot @Appleblossom.....

I remember, when my oldest son began Psychotherapy in age 10, by Grade 6 he .....wanted to be the announcer of the class school Friday assembly and he went on to doing acting classes........

from being angry and confused.sitting in a corner to to drawing himself out of his own shell......

@Dothemo, the first time I read the book by Anne Devenson, it was very difficult .....

It brought back a lot of memories of my own child rearing and my own childhood. YOu need to remember that Donald Laing, though the foremost on new ways of thinkng in treating people suffering times of Schizophrenia, did not get himself support, he used illegal substances and alcohol and he hosted  a safe place where people who suffered times of Mental il health and Other unmet needs.....

PP

[PeppiPatty]

wow @Former-Member

So much to reflect on. Is'nt 'A Beautiful Mind,' a brilliant brilliant portrayl of Paranoid Schizophrenia.......

Yes, I hope that my later life is going to be better and grow  and grow, I wonder that is what @Faith-and-Hope is saying in the message she sends in the message after yours.

Thanks so much @Faith-and-Hope for that message. I like what you write; 

There are other familial background things, like an idolisation of thinness, lack of emotional connection / processing, carrying adult responsibilities while he was still a child, reward-with-food mentality, focus on success and achievement for identity. I now have a DIL struggling with BED and bipolar, and can see contributing factors. The bipolar has a hereditary line

My oldest son has hereditary bipolar. When it all happened, it was very upsetting and draining for me. 

I dont think I could live every day with it like you do @Faith-and-Hope.....I think that it would be too hard besket. It might be me but I'm beginning to see more and more how hard it is......

PP