Is meaningful change possible

[Former-Member]

No you haven't overwhelmed me Faith and Hope,excessive dieting does take its toll.I remember I was always hungry because as a obese person you have  a "set point weight",that the body has lived by and you have to constantly be obsessed about weight Maintenance.I was obsessed about exercise,had to be when I had a severe reaction to antidepressants and shut myself away from the world in 2013 I would do 14 KMS each morning never missed a day that year.Wish I could say the same now.I can relate to your husband with family responsibilities etc.

I sold the family farm to "change",moved away to get work,had no luck ,lived next door to neighbours from hell and lived on calmatives.Moved back to the house I agreed to ,for my mother to live in town.I drive out to my old walking track in the bush,hate the town and the small minded people in it.I find it hard to motivate myself,really tired ,eg:slept this afternoon and yesterday, couldn't get up.Trying to go tonight.I have lost a lot of my muscle tone.Before Xmas couldn't walk due to severe arthritis in the feet.It was devastating to me as walking has been the one relief from my life and m.i. You and others including my psychologist believe I have given up,Over the Edge theory's version sound great ,but no one could understand what I have gone through.Maybe it is self pity but I am one that no matter what I do will always fail.That just isn't negative thinking.It is my reality.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I am hearing you @Former-Member ..... but maybe it depends on what you view as success .... if you haven't achieved the life goals up you aimed for, that doesn't mean you haven't been successful in other areas of your life.... for instance, that was a very impressive weight loss, and it took a great deal of effort to achieve it.

You made a choice to support your mother by moving into the town that you don't like living in, but it is successfully supporting your mother's well-being, but I am just sad to hear that it is costing you yours ....

Can you swap out the walking for, say, one of those bikes that use arm movement to propel you along, if arthritis is impairing your ability to walk ?  Would you consider Pilates or some other resistance exercise to maintain muscle tone ?

Is there a nearby town that you can drive to occasionally to give yourself time out from yours ?

Do you have any interest in art or writing or some other area where you can extend yourself ?

Rather than giving up per se, I would say you are currently in a doldrums, and needing to renew your energy and interest in life.  This can be hard when all you can see is disappointment, which is perhaps why striking out into a new area would benefit you ....

Is your npmuneine able to manage on her own if you took a holiday away ?  Is there someone you can go to visit with ?

Feeling for you.  I know how small towns can be.

💜

[Former-Member]

Did a 10 km walk tonight.My arthritis has been ok for a few weeks eg:not in pain or stiff tonight.Always had it but never that severe in November-December.Like it was a flare up.Apparently I need a blood test to know what type of arthritis I have.Have to tomorrow if I can motivate myself.Like a holiday but can't afford it Faith and Hope,no one I can stay with either.I have isolated/estranged myself from family due to anxiety depression,unemployment,shame etc.Dont shop in town I go to nearby town due to the anxiety I suffer.Thanks for your concern.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Well done on the 10km walk ❣

@Former-Member

Are you seeing someone for the anxiety ?

[AlgebraicFury]

Hi @Dothemo, I think that meaningful change is definitely possible at any age. I find that the issue, however, is overcoming the expectations and prejudices of society. Based on Schema Therapy, I would say that this issue is actually society's problem, not mine. This perspective works really well for me, though I do have to keep working at it.

I lived with undiagnosed bipolar disorder until, in my late thirties, I was hospitalised and subsequently diagnosed. This diagnosis, and especially the treatment, was positively life-changing for me (though it was a slow and gradual process). The problem, however, was that this hospitalisation resulted in the loss of my employment. My qualifications are in a very specific field, and suitable employment can be difficult to find. In fact, for the job that I lost, it was a period of 1.5 years from application to commencement, and I was only in the job for a few months. After losing this job and being diagnosed with bipolar, I thought that I would never be able to work again. This was due to the necessities of living more 'gently' so as to promote mood stability, but also in part to thinking that I was too old (and maybe to unwell) to start a new career. My previous career would have been far too stressful for my wellbeing. 

Meaningful work has always been one of my key values, so I was extremely unhappy with the prospect of never working again. Luckily, after a lot of psychological therapy I was introduced to Schema Therapy (which I noticed you have also used). This seriously changed my life. For example, I gained a new perspective on being too old and unwell to start again, and realised that these are society's issues and not mine. It took 3 years, but I eventually was able to find a new career path that fits with my values and is much less stressful than my previous career.

So, my advice would be to live according to your values, and try not to take on the values, prejudices and expectations of others. Live your life your way, and meaningful change is always possible.

All the best, AF

[Former-Member]

Hi Faith and Hope

Yes I saw my psychologist on Wednesday,have not got much faith any more in it.After several years I lost the faith in it.As said had a mental health nurse for over 4 which ended traumatically.This psychologist is good but at the end of the day I  believe they lose perspective through the power they feel giving their opinions and insight eg:mental health nurse advising me to euthanized my cats.I have to live with that decision.The "duty of care" leaves a lot to be desired.I had the need to see her,but I come away with doubts and question if it is "help",one time last year she was accusing me of not looking for work,which wasn't true,you shouldn't be made to feel you are in court.I went away feeling worse.

Thanks for the encouragement.Saw black rabbits on my walk last night haven't seen them for a long time,cheered me up.

[Former-Member]

Algebraic Fury

Yes I was one til my breakdown that had high work values,never missed a day's work, something that really affected me.Walking into Centrelink was extremely difficult.

[Faith-and-Hope]

@Former-Member .... I think black rabbits would have cheered me up too ... 😊

I'm sorry to hear about the decision over the cats.  That's heart-breaking, but you believed at the time that it was good advice, and we have to have some self-compassion for things we did in our youth / troubled times / uphill health / through nativity ....

I know I went into my marriage believing that my in laws would love me the way my own family did .... they grew to I think, but only after many painful years of having to set boundaries and hold my ground .... I had giv away my personal power and had to forgive myself for that as a part of my healing.

I hope you can find some peace with it.  I hope your current fur-babies bring you some joy .... I think that is a special gift in cats, larrikins that they are.

[Former-Member]

I didn't follow his advice,the cats are the ones I have now,I couldn't do that from day one,I'm the one who has to live with that decision.When I was a kid we used to have a heap of cats,breeding constantly.My father wouldn't buy food,they were starved.I remember putting them in cages for him to dump,I put beautiful fat kittens in a bag for someone to drown ,never got over it.! That's why I believe strongly if people can't look after animals you shouldn't have them.Desexing is a must.I would love to get a phone call from the pound to say they have the cat I gave away as she was microchipped.I have the same problem with my elderly mother, which is why the farm was sold,now I am back with her and is getting very difficult eg:dementia,never let me have a life it gets me down.Yes you do at times have to hold your ground otherwise once you give your control of your life away you disappear.I can relate to "Rose"on the Titanic Movie completely.They do make you laugh cats .I was cleaning the window years ago doing circular motions with the cloth,looked down and my ginger male is following it doing the circles with his head.lol

[Faith-and-Hope]

So glad you couldn't follow through with that advice @Former-Member ❣

Yeah .... my MIL was trying to do a "Rose" with me .... can see familial precursors to e.d. all over the place now that I have learned so much more about it.  Dealing with dementia must be so hard ....

Its 3:30am where I am now.  Have woken up with coughing fits and leg cramps with this flu we've all got.  Can hear my D2 (daughter 2) coughing constantly in another room ... she has an intellectual disability and little ability to manage the discomfort .... poor thing.  So glad you posted just now.  I am going stir-crazy here .,..