@Birdofparadise8im wondering whether what happened with RO feels like a rejection and triggered trauma of being bullied. You remind me of the dual process model of grief, grief isn’t always about losing someone, but trauma innately brings up feelings of loss. I totally get where @Zoe7 is coming from, even if you are not ready now, we do have to move more to the restoration oriented side with time. That can be at your own pace. The image below shows what the two processes are, there is also a natural oscillation