Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

@rlec16 

Hey the parenting deal is a big surprise.  Bigger than most of us could imagine.  It takes everything and then some. With 4 you have a lot to manage with the physical, material and the interpersonal stuff among them.  The pressure does ease as they become older, but it is still a lot.

Regarding meds I have found them only a mild help.  Most of the therapy comes from adopting strategies: psychological and/or healthy living. Staying connected and getting them out in nature where they can run a little wild and can ease some of the tension of getting them to sleep.Glad you got some replies, but I did not pick up your gender from your post.  It can be a slightly different experience for men & women, depending on roles and all that.  Hope you find more people to talk to and get some sense of relief here on the forum.

Apple

[rlec16]

I awoke to these posts this morning and it made my day. I didn’t think anyone would reply.
So thank you.
The battle is real. I don’t feel positive about anything anymore. I have 4 kids and I’m a healthy 40 year old mum, ages of the kids are 15years, 14years 10 and 20 month old.
I don’t even get hungry anymore but I’ll indulge and over eat for comfort the if food is in front Of me. Then feel fat.
I just have no enjoyment what so ever.
I mean the happy little kids things yes. They are great.
They actually keep me alive and going.
I tired to go to work and I find it very hard because I have the baby and I’m
Casual.
Most of the others take the shifts before I’ve had the chance to co that day care.
Sorry I feel like a huge complaining wingy person.
My supports are my mum, but she is also a huge trigger for me.
I haven’t got friends anymore, don’t know what happened to everyone.
My partner works long hours and his my new partner, so a kinda step dad to the other older three.
Its just the fight, the battle in my head. It’s so loud I can’t foresee it plan. It’s so loud. No pyschologist has helped, hardly the meds, the make me dependent on them to know how to feel and how to numb when the feelings are to intense.
Does everyone with bpd live like this??

[rlec16]

Cheers Apple I wrote a big reply under the first person that replies. I’m new and don’t know how to respond to everyone

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @rlec16 ,

In relation to you question, 'do everyone with bpd live like this?'....well i can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself.

I was diagnosed with BPD nearly 15 years ago. The emotional struggles were real. The loneliness was real. The dissociation was real. The depression was real.

Meds were a bandaid. They did not hit the root of the issue. The issue was my mindset and the habits I had developed in order to survive as a young adult. 

Through much therapy and hard work, I now live very successfully and contentedly. I no longer feel loneliness, nor do I feel disconnected from life. Although I'm still on low doses of medication, I am gradually reducing my meds with the hope of coming off them completely.

I don't think you mentioned BPD in your initial post. Do you think BPD is where most of your struggles lie?

I'm not really sure what else to say, besides, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Take Care,

BPDSurvivor

[rlec16]

Yea I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I feel I haven’t got worse since the diagnosis. Been thoug things make
Sense as to why I do things.
But know I know it won’t go away I don’t see the point.

[rlec16]

I awoke to these posts this morning and it made my day. I didn’t think anyone would reply.
So thank you.  I was diagnosed with BPD 3 years ago. and since the diagnosis I feel I have gotten worse as in my mindset and thoughts about life. 

The battle is real. I don’t feel positive about anything anymore. I have 4 kids and I’m a healthy 40 year old mum, ages of the kids are 15years, 14years 10 and 20 month old.
I don’t even get hungry anymore but I’ll indulge and over eat for comfort the if food is in front Of me. Then feel fat.
I just have no enjoyment what so ever.
I mean the happy little kids things yes. They are great.
They actually keep me alive and going.
I tired to go to work and I find it very hard because I have the baby and I’m
Casual.
Most of the others take the shifts before I’ve had the chance to co that day care.
Sorry I feel like a huge complaining wingy person.
My supports are my mum, but she is also a huge trigger for me.
I haven’t got friends anymore, don’t know what happened to everyone.
My partner works long hours and his my new partner, so a kinda step dad to the other older three.
Its just the fight, the battle in my head. It’s so loud I can’t foresee it plan. It’s so loud. No pyschologist has helped, hardly the meds, the make me dependent on them to know how to feel and how to numb when the feelings are to intense.
Does everyone with bpd live like this??

[CRyan]

thank you for sharing this and supporting other struggling mums.

I am in a similar situation and appreciate your honesty. I have a husband and good financial resources but he is working long hours. I also had the school drop off and pick up as milestones in between resting most of the day.
Currently have a 13 and 9 year old and realise this is an older post from you so wondered how you are doing now? How old are your children and what you found helpful for breaking the cycle to be up and functional during the day. 

I held onto work 3 days a week for 14 years in a university which kept me going but left in February 2023 and it is a challenge with the BPD, depression to get into a structured routine to avoid that 'sleep to escape' cycle. 

Anyway I hope you are doing okay and really appreciate your honesty in posting on this forum 🙏

[Eve7]

Hi @CRyan and welcome to the forum. I’m glad you liked this post. There are some lefty of others that you might find helpful so I encourage you to look around.

[CRyan]

thanks @Eve7 I will take a look around and can see some helpful conversations on here - hope you are doing okay

[Eve7]

Good idea @CRyan 

I’m ok, just visiting a relative for the weekend.