Lived Experience Forum

[justcoz]

Hi All

Have been a bit quiet. My head thought i was going ok, sometimes i feel like i am being a bit pathetic how I post here actually most of the time i do feel pathetic. I wonder why in my head I plan all these things to do and then I sit here and do nothing and I mean i do nothing, I sit in front of my computer and then I go to my bed and diamond paint. I have become so lazy everything is a mess but do I have the motivation to do anything, nope not at all. Checking the mail is a really big achievement. This is me for years. Sad but true.

I spoke to my brother that had the same problem as my son (drugs) so I have decided that at the moment I can not help him , I have to wait until he realises that yes he does have a problem and this is not the life he wants. Then hopefully i can offer some support and help. Me worrying about it is going to help anyone. Thats a load off I can tell you.

I did go and visit my daughter which was good , but am relieved that it is over and done with.

I feel like i could write pages and pages but i wont.

So the positive is that I have worked out that i do like posting here does make me feel a bit better.

Another day another thousand thoughts.

Thanks for reading

[hanami]

Hi there @justcoz 

It's nice to see you back. Trust me, you aren't pathetic, you're posts aren't pathetic. You're a valued member of this community. I've gone through stages of that feeling - writing so many things down on my to do list and then doing nothing...just getting through the day. I've got four kids so over the years when I have gone through these stages, doing stuff for other people has stopped me from just literally doing nothing. I understand the feeling though. Would it be any help to take one thing off your list and aim for that and that alone? It can be tough getting yourself out of the headspace of fatigue and feeling really low. I used to think to myself, I'll just take it one step at a time, hour by hour, even minute by minute. 

Looking forward to seeing you around

Hanami

[wellwellwellnez]

I love this post @justcoz . You're asking some of my own questions about the empowerment side of things. I'll say this thing from where I'm at.

People talk a lot about goal setting. But goals are external. What's happening internally is reward mechanisms. Hence the beauty of recovery approaches. The goal of recovery and life is reward experience, which is never static because it the power of change itself. That's one of the big reasons why it's "always the journey that matters".

What I'm saying is, you win every time you try and, by default, the terrorists lose. So, you beat terrorism just by being in the game. Maybe you didn't know, you were our secret weapon against terrorism, but now you do, and for that, I say thank you for your service.

[hanami]

Love this analogy @wellwellwellnez ! My thoughts really are terrorists some days. I like to think that just by getting up and moving forward through the day, I'm beating them. x

[justcoz]

Thanks

Yes I have tried, I think alot, it really is like my bottom is glued to my chair, and trust me it is really strong glue.

So as each day passes, and now it has been years, i think tomorrow i will do this and do that.

Then tomorrow comes and i sit for my morning coffee's and then I think think think and then I get up and go to bed, It annoys me as i was not lazy, but then it has been 20 years since i first got really sick ( I broke in a big way, spent 2.5 weeks in hospital) I have gotten up and then been down again a few more stays in hospital. I worked up until 2010, my last job i was bullied for 2 years but thought i was good as it took 2 years for them to break me, up down up down, each time i go down when I come out the other side I have gotten worse with me doing stuff. Have been ok since 2018 as I worked out if i dont interact with people i dont go down as far. No stays in hospital. Yay. Have had counselling but alas in the end you have to stop as they have other people to see.

I am not wanting sympathy just sharing I think

I sit and think come on you could have it so good your not working, do this do that , but alas it is pretty strong glue.

Hope this is making a bit of sense.

[NatureLover]

---

@justcoz wrote:

So as each day passes, and now it has been years, i think tomorrow i will do this and do that.

Then tomorrow comes and i sit for my morning coffee's and then I think think think and then I get up and go to bed,

---

Hi @justcoz , I hope you won't feel bad you're not achieving much. I spent 3 years in bed due to severe depression. I was able to completely recover, but it took a while to rebuild my life. I still battle depression but it's S.A.D. depression (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and it's not severe.

That 3 years in bed kept me alive in some ways.