Lived Experience Forum

[Anxiousmavis]

Hello , 

I'm nervous and new and needed to feel like someone or some people out there understood. I have supportive family and my partner but they have no idea what I battle everyday, I have terrifying nightmares and thoughts of accidentally harming someone by my actions or myself, I’m constantly guilty and can’t even do anything without having so much anxiety and worry going around in my head. I’ve lost the ability to do anything without stressing or having to follow instructions or advice, and my family unknowingly triggers me.

like today my mum dyed my hair for me and she used bobby pins with the dye to hold my hair down , the instructions said not to use any metal or hairpins with the dye in the safety and now I’m on a spiral and can’t help but freak out about possible chemical reactions, or what might happen because she did that. I tried to pretend I was okay so I didn’t worry her but I’m quietly losing it , I’m scared I’ll be poisoned or something or hurt others by being contaminated , or even that I’ll get really sick. I have no idea how to stop all these anxious thoughts and I have no answers for myself and I’m constantly thinking about what could happen and having no answers. 

im so afraid that my ocd is going to get out of hand and my family and partner while supportive have no idea how hard I’m trying to hold it together. I’m so afraid and scared all the time of contaminates and chemicals , and getting sick. It’s becoming something that’s kinda taking over my life and my thoughts 

[NatureLover]

Hi again, @Anxiousmavis ... I'm sorry this is so pervasive and distressing for you 😞

I can tell you that the bobby pins will not have harmed you, but I know how intrusive and strong OCD throughts are. 

Do you currently have a psychologist? 

[Anxiousmavis]

@NatureLover thank you for your kind response, I've got a psychologist but I'm thinking of changing and reaching out to someone with a speciality in OCD to see if that helps. I'm also seeing if I can get a Dr with an interest in Mental Health in my hometown. 

Mental health isn't all that recognised here but I'm in the process of putting my feelers out to really be specific and treat the OCD not just the anxiety it causes. So thank you, I appreciate your reply .

I'm positively thinking and remaining happy about eventually treating the OCD, I'm also aware it'll probably get a bit more manageable with time.

[Anxiousmavis]

Thank you I replied back to your kind words, still working out how to post so I mentioned you. And thank you again 😊

[SCOOBY87]

Hi 

first of i want to say you are a impoertant and valid person in this world not just to your partner and family but to members on SANE forums because your another vocie to contribute and engage others going through simular experences like myself who has had severe anxiety and ocd for years . First of all wanted to ask have you had your sarotonin checked .I got my check as adviced by the doctor as this effects your nurotransmitters function which leads to mood and anxiety disorders .My saratonin was extremly low and this effected my functioning brain causing tiuredness ,heavy anxiety and depression . When you say you have fear of chemicals and contaminates have you had a negative childhood experence ? any family history ? have you noticed or are you aware of any changes in your brain chemistry such us triggers in objects , places or certain situations ? I spoke to my GP who conducted a non invasive DSM a list of criteria and diognosed phobias based on your symptoms and they will determain if it is caused by OCD .I can also suggest and this was sucessful for myself cognitive behavour therapy combined with slow and at your pace exposure theraphy to assit you to overcome your phobias .I really hope my advice assists you ,good luck 

[hanami]

Hi @Anxiousmavis 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story. I'm one of the peer workers here on the forums

I can relate to your type of anxiety. I have health anxiety that has become worse as I've gotten older. So I can really get caught up in doing what's best to keep myself healthy and that often involves avoiding contaminants, germs etc. For eg my husband is a builder and he comes home from work dirty (understandably) but I get quite anxious if he doesn't shower straight away, worried that he'll somehow contaminate me and make me unwell. I have many irrational thoughts such as these. 

One method of therapy I've found particularly helpful is the DARE method. They have a whole bunch of resources including a book and app. This DARE in its simplest form https://www.thecenterforgrowth.com/tips/dare-a-four-step-approach-to-anxiety-management

I also think it's a great idea to find a good psychologist who is really knowledgeable about anxiety disorders.

The forums are a great place for support, so I hope you find lots of wise words here and make some good connections.

Sending hugs

Hanami

[Anxiousmavis]

Thank you so much and for your kind words, I'm organising to see a Dr and a psychologist to figure out just how to really address the OCD. It helps meeting others who understand, I will also check out your recommendations.
Thank you so much, glad I found this safe place

[Anxiousmavis]

Thank you so much for your kind words too, I'm in the process of getting a new Dr and a new psychologist. I am going to try and really address the OCD so I can better manage this. In the meantime I'm so happy I found this safe place and the people here, you all are so welcoming and it helps to have that understanding so thank you. I will keep everyone updated on how it goes 😊

[hanami]

I'm glad you found us too @Anxiousmavis . It really helps to talk to people who understand.

This is a better link to the DARE method. It has the book and info about app too. 

https://www.dareresponse.com/ 

[Anxiousmavis]

Thank you I'll check this out, like I know I have support at home but it helps when there are others who understand because they are going through it, and know how you feel and what you experience. I'm feeling very positive and happy to be here maybe in the future I will have advice for others too 😊 but thank-you really I mean it