Need to vent

[Eve7]

I’m waiting at the hospital for a test too @BlueBay @so we can keep each other company.

I have an enlarged pulmonary artery so trying to find out why.

💙💙💙

[BlueBay]

good luck with your test @Eve7 

i will find out the results later this afternoon or tonight

i hope it's all okay

i hope they can work out why your pulmonary artery is enlarged

take care xxxxooo

[Eve7]

Thanks @BlueBay I hope your results are positive.

I won’t have mine until next week…feeling rather “radio active” right now 🙃

[NatureLover]

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@BlueBay wrote:

Having my echocardiogram this morning to check for pericarditis

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Hi @BlueBay , what were the results?

[BlueBay]

hey @NatureLover  i am hoping the cardiologist comes in this morning, i am anxious so i need to know asap.

@Eve7 @Shaz51 @Snowie @oceangirl @Emelia8 @Owlunar @MDT @Anastasia 

my psych came in yesterday afternoon and i told him how i felt the day before, not in a good way; which he did see when he visited.  he told me yesterday i looked very very exhausted, to which i said i was.  i felt like my whole body was heavy, exhausted and all i wanted to do was sleep, but i also had chest pain.

he is now adding another med at night to adjust my moods and make them a bit more stable.  at the moment (actually for a long time) my moods have been very up and down.  so hoping this new med works.

he suggests i stay another 4-5 days so tht will be almost 3 weeks.  i originally didn't want to stay this long, but with meds you can't rush things.  it takes time to adjust and it's all about the chemicals in the brain adjusting.

hoping today we can go for a walk with a nurse around the hospital.  

the nurses have been wonderful always talking and listening to me and helping out.

but of course sometimes i feel guilty for not been home, i know the boys can cope, they are fine it's just me.

i got to see my gastroenterologist last night too, he went over the MRI i had last week.  he said the cyst has grown 4mm which we need to keep an eye on and review with another MRI in a years time. also i have another little 'bit' hanging from the pancreas. have no idea what it is and he isn't sure either!!

so in a way i am glad i had all these tests done while here as well as change my meds.  this afternoon i have a telehealth call with my GP, i need to ask him if he can refer me to another psychologist as the one i had isn't seeing me anymore because i had a plan (not the right word, can't think) to pay for my sessions.  It's really hard to find someone down here that does or knows DBT and use it in therapy.

I am missing my little A so so much.  even though we face time each day (actually a few tmes a day!!) LOL it is not the same.  i want to feel her hugs, her kisses.  i want to hold her 😞

I better go, thinking i might sit outside on the deck area and get some fresh air and listen to the birds.

take care everyone, lots of love xxxxxooooo

[Eve7]

Thinking of you tonight @BlueBay @and sending lots of love 

💙🤗💙

[NatureLover]

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@BlueBay wrote:

hey @NatureLover  i am hoping the cardiologist comes in this morning, i am anxious so i need to know asap.

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Hi @BlueBay , do you have the results yet?

[BlueBay]

Hey @NatureLover  i saw the physician that comes around the ward and he said everything was ok, no pericarditis.  i am happy to hear that as i was stressing.  But i haven't seen my cardiologist yet to go through the report with me.  i am hoping he comes in today, as he put me on a medication and i want to know do i continue with that med and if yes why or do i stop the medication.

also, i am pain in my abdomen which i am really hoping it is not a flare up of diverticulitis.  i will speak to the dr when he comes around.

my mood on the weekend was teerrible, crying for no reason and taking a while to calm down.  the nurses had to give me a calmer which helped.  but i don't want medication to suppress my feeling and emotions. i always thought it was better for them to come out.

i saw a lovely nurse yesterday and she asked how i was going and i started to cry telling her i am not doing so well.  after a bit of discussion she asked me how old am i right now where i am with my emotions.  i told her i was a child at 9 yrs old.  but then i got angry and told her but i am 56 not a child.  she said this is your inner child wanting to be heard and validated.  you don't need your mum to validate you; you need to validate your inner child.  she said to try and work on that aspect, talk to my inner child, ask her what does she want, cuddle her.  i told her i am too scared i will breakdown and cry; she replied yes you will it will be tough but she believes i can do this.  she then gave me two big hugs to which i couldn't stop crying.

she suggested a book to buy and read; she said it really helped her.  so i am guessing she was abused as a child as well because she could relate to everything i was saying.

anyway, today is monday, day of dr and psych coming to see me.  then hopefully some group activities.  i know hubby is eager for me to come home but this time i am not rushing out until i feel a bit stronger.  also hoping my psych increases the dose of my medication today and see how i go over the next few days.

i hope evveryone is doing okay or as best as can be. lots of love to all xxxxxxoooo

gee, i am typing a lot today!!!  

@NatureLover @Eve7 @Shaz51 @Snowie @oceangirl @Owlunar @Anastasia @Emelia8 and others i have missed 

[Eve7]

Thank you for the update @BlueBay 

I really hope you get some answers today and that you start to feel some improvement.

💙💙💙

[Anastasia]

So proud of you @BlueBay 💙

What a beautiful nurse, I'm happy you are being looked after. Take care sweetheart 🌷