My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow yeah I love that about creative expression. When we (briefly) studied art therapy at uni, we were taught that because visual art comes from a different part of the brain than the langage part, it can allow us to gain insight and express things that might be more subconscious or hidden from us. Really cool stuff. Hope you find the opportunity to keep expressing your inner world in as many ways as feels right! 

I can really hear the immense pressure and tension that's resulting from this whole situation. Can totally understand the feeling of desperation. Is there something kind and nourishing you could do for yourself tonight? Have a bath or do some gentle stretches, stuff like that? 

I know your CM appt has you feeling pretty nervous, did you end up writing some things down that you wanted to express?

[Bow]

Yeah… I think I will always draw to express. I find it so helpful @Jynx  and I didn’t know that about the brain, that’s cool. 
I go to an arts and craft group every Tuesday and they are actually trying to have more structure to the group which I like and some of the activities are art therapy based.

I did manage to get myself in the shower this afternoon, it had been a few days. And I’ve been in bed since 6pm. My 4pm dose of meds kicked in at 5pm and I really struggled to sit through dinner. I’m not sure if it’s the sedative effect from the meds or low bp, but I had to lay down. 

I haven’t written anything down yet. And can’t be bothered doing it tonight. So hopefully I will get it done in the morning. 

how was your day @Jynx ?

[Jynx]

@Bow oh that's super neat! Glad you're getting so much out of it. 

I hope you're able to get your thoughts down onto paper. If you find you don't have time, maybe even just writing that you have more you'd like to express, in time. Something like that. Good luck. 

I'm off for tonight, I hope you have a restful night hun. Nighty night 💜

[Snowie]

Good morning sweet @Bow 

Wishing you a good day today.

Sending lot of hugs 💌💌

[Bow]

I went to community mh this morning for my appointment with my CM. Told them I was there and went and sat down to wait. I waited a while and then a random guy called my name out, I was a bit confused but stood up and walked towards him. Before I went in the big door I asked if * was away? He said yes. I immediately turned around and left. He called my name out a few times as I walked out but I kept walking. 

I shouldn’t be surprised. She is often away. And it’s always when something is going on. Something important. So convenient. So glad I didn’t waste my time writing anything down. 

I am disappointed. Angry. 

There was a part of me that desperately needed that appointment today. Desperately needed someone to enquire about my ED and to realise that I am really not ok. 

But that did not happen. 

@Jynx 

[Snowie]

Sorry to hear she wasn't there @Bow That suxs.

[Jynx]

Hey @Bow I'm sorry to hear your CM was away, how frustrating. I'm sorry things turned out this way. When is your next appt? 

I know you're not a fan of phone calls, but if you do rly need to chat to someone about the ED stuff, you could contact Butterfly Foundation. Sounds like you could really use the opportunity to talk it through.

[Bow]

My next appointment at community mh is Monday with my pdoc @Jynx wonder if my CM will be present for that one….

They will drop my meds off later tonight too but goodness knows who that will be. 

not sure I really wanna talk with them. If I tell ‘em too much they will probs call ambulance on me. 

I been in bed all afternoon. Don’t feel well. 

[Jynx]

@Bow bit of a wait then, that's frustrating. Hopefully whoever drops off your meds is someone you feel comfortable with hey. 

Maybe, maybe not. Sounds like you think you're bad enough that hospital could be necessary, which is pretty worrying. On the other hand though, if things are that bad then getting some support might be exactly what is needed. You could always call simply to talk about how it is all impacting you emotionally. I hope you do reach out, you deserve to be able to chat to someone about it all, especially since you didn't get to talk to your CM today. 

Hope you are taking it slow this evening hun 💜

[Bow]

Getting through the weekend feels unbearable in all honesty @Jynx I’ve cried many tears this afternoon.  but it is what it is. 

If you mention any physical symptoms with them they tend to panic. They have called an ambulance on me many times. And yeah maybe so. Think that’s where the desperation is.