Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

Just saw the typewriter @Mazarita! How awesome! I'm going to show the kids and ask them to try and work out what it is. They'd have no idea at all! I can see how that could have been fun to imagine with as a little person 🙂

[Mazarita]

It's a relief to hear that your experience overnight has been less awful than expected, @CheerBear, and that what needs to be appearing, is happening this time. Sounds really dreadful what you went through last time. Natural that you would be feeling emotionally spent. 

Yes, it was boys in woodwork and metalwork at the high school I went to, and girls in home economics and other girl-related stuff. I think the only thing I remember about home economics is how to make sandwiches so that the two slices of bread match up with each other's shape, as well as cutting on a diagonal. I still remember the lining up of the bread, but have taken to crossways cutting instead these days. Worthwhile learning, eh? 

I can imagine the kind of stress the typing classes might have given rise to at your school. Not sure I would have enjoyed actual classes in that subject, but enjoyed teaching myself.

Two hours is not great at all. It's like I am returning to my bad old habits of being up all night. Only difference being that I get a couple of hours sleep before doing it. Yesterday I was tired all day and had three naps, so not too extreme in total sleep. But all out of order. The ongoing sleep adventures of Maz continue to go wild! 

Art is on today but I won't make it today. Just feel like another day at home, and probably will need it, sleep-wise. I'll go to their end of year party though, which I think is next week.

What's on for you today? I hope it's a really gentle day for you, so you can take some recovery.

[CheerBear]

I'm feeling relieved also @Mazarita. The idea of this continuing longer and the thought of needing surgery if it didn't work, especially after going through what I did the other night, was kind of crushing. I may have made it a lot easier last night by taking some decent pain meds before anything happened and snuggling up in bed with a new big heat pack I bought. Wondering if that, along with having started it already a couple of nights ago, has saved me from going through it again. Crossing fingers.

Haha with the sandwiches! I learnt how to thread a sewing machine (that's kind of handy) and how to make an awesome mac and cheese (thats super handy!) and that's about all I remember of those classes 😆

Is the sleep adventure you're on at the moment part of the extra excitement you're feeling with the video projects? Perhaps that could be a bit of a chicken/egg one to work out in a way.

Can't believe it is end of year stuff now. I dont know where this last couple of months have gone. Maybe into a blur of bananas for me 😉 Good to have a home day if that's what you need.

I'm planning on doing nothing today except resting. I'm well and truly over things now and glad I can take some down time again today. I have stuff on tomorrow afternoon so I'll take the chance today while I have it. Sleep, fluffy cat, probably some tears, YouTube, netflix and take away for dinner I reckon 🙂

[Mazarita]

Great that you can have a rest day, @CheerBear, sounds like a good one planned, even the relieving tears. 

Yes, the sleep disruption here is that I again want to do stuff in the middle of the night, now that the video projects have started up again. Aside from excitement, I'm back into loving the night for its calm, clarity and focus - feels again like a good time for doing things that need my brain to shift up a gear or two. My psychiatrist will not be pleased! 

You have had a huge couple of months, huge!!! It's a testament to your strength and relience that you are still standing.

[CheerBear]

I can completely understand the benefits the nights bring for you @Mazarita. I wonder how many people across the country are also sitting up in the wee hours feeling and appreciated the better feelings of the night. I could usually do so much more productive work for uni during the night.

I had a bit of a giggle imagining your psych. Sounds kind of like how much my psych will be pleased to hear about the pickle I've found myself in over the last couple of weeks. I think I'll just start straight up with "you don't need to say anything as I'm totally with you already" 😉

Thanks for your encouragement Mazarita. One of the most annoying things about this is that I probably used the adventure that got me into this one as a bit of an escape and fun distraction from the really horrible stuff that was happening at the time with my family. I think it can be a really healthy outlet and coping strategy sometimes, but maybe not if it isn't careful as I have learned the hard way.

[Mazarita]

Be easy with yourself about what's happened if you can, @CheerBear. What was happening with loved ones at that time, with one of them living with you at a time of great stress for all, would have thrown your better judgement into some chaos. So much more likely for these things to happen at times like that. It's so understandable to me how it happened. We are human and have frailties, even without mental illness. More love to you for what you have been through this last part of the year. 

Still thinking here about what I'm going to do with this day. The deadline for the competition I'm judging just closed, so I'll probably get to watching some of the 40 or so remaining videos I still have to get through. That will probably be the main job for today, but will likely be doing work on other projects too. Needing to do stuff on the computer is also keeping me inside this week, as well as the hot weather. The new meds mix I'm now on has me overheating and sweating much more easily than before, and it was pretty bad even before now. Also I think aging is not helping with my ability to cope with the heat. Lots of excuses for staying inside a lot at the moment. 

It's a bit funny to think of our psychiatrists shaking their heads at our news. Gotta laugh about these things when possible, otherwise we just cry. Humour about my craziness helps me quite a lot at times, I think. 

[CheerBear]

Thanks for your kind understanding @Mazarita. I so appreciate it ❤

I was going to ask about the video competition yesterday and how it was going. How long do you have to do your part? Hope you enjoy watching and judging the videos. That's pretty cool to get to do!

Haha with the excuses. Sometimes my excuse for something is "just cos". That's enough for me a lot of the time. Understanding all of those things would really make it trickier to get out and about though ❤

Laughing is the best thing to do sometimes. Like you, humour about the bonkers things I do, think, say, experience, get myself into... is the best way to get through without sinking 🙂 I love that with all the stuff we all go through here, laughs, smiles and feel goods are shared so often.

[Mazarita]

I have to deliver my adjudications in two weeks, @CheerBear. I have enjoyed watching the first 60 of them a lot. The project will be it done and dusted after this deadline I mentioned, until I get to early next year, when I'm going to write something for web publication about the experience of being the judge. Will mention in it a bunch of videos that haven't won the prizes, but which are great too. I have big plans for projects next year, not all of them my own videomaking, but related. 

I have a fairly black sense of humour sometimes. 'Gallows humour', I think it's called sometimes. Helps me keep some perspective and equanimity about some things. Agreed that the forum is great for how we can smile and laugh about stuff, despite the tough stuff.

I'm going to head offline now. Sending so many good vibes your way for today. 

[CheerBear]

I'm going to log off and have a shower now @Mazarita and some toast. I really need vegemite in my morning today! The sun is up and rising and with it I am breathing huge relief at seeing the end to another night that I was worried about. It feels like both the end and the start today. There might even be some closure and some peace happening inside, which I'll happily and thankfully take.

Really enjoyed our chat. Thanks for giving me memories of something great during the really not so great.

Just about to push post when your message came through - almost a snap! Hope you get what youd like done today with the videos and in a way that feels good for you!

❤

[eth]

Sending lots of hugs and warm wishes @CheerBear