Just checking in.

[Teej]

Not sure if you are up yet @CheerBear. Thought about you yesterday and hope that you are doing ok both physically and mentally. 💜

[CheerBear]

Hey @Teej. I was up most of last night, the first half with feelings happening and the second half with physical happenings. I had a few hours of the most intense pain and other not nice stuff which I found very difficult to get through. My cat, some meds and a heat pack calmed me down and I crashed for about an hour this morning.

Friend cracked it at me last night. He wanted to come over but I asked to be on my own which didn't go down well. I was on the receiving end of what I imagine to be a heap of his own big feelings pouring out which I understand but seriously didn't need. He said some pretty horrible stuff 😔. It made it all much harder than it already was, but confirmed how legitmate my fears about bringing a child into this were.

I'm in a whole of struggle at the moment in a few different ways but I truly believe I made the right choice. All I need to do this morning is get the kids to school and then I can process and deal with what's happening and happened.

Thanks for your thoughts and support Teej. I hope your night was OK and your morning has started well.

[Mazarita]

Morning, @CheerBear. Seems we've just landed on the forum at the same time. Am aware you are possibly about to start the day with the LF, but here if you have time for a chat. 

[CheerBear]

Hey @Mazarita. I have about half an hour before I start waking up little people. I am also extra giantly well prepared this morning so there's almost nothing I need to do for them when they do wake up.

How are you going this morning?

[Mazarita]

I'm okay this morning, thanks, @CheerBear.

I read your post before I left that last one. So sorry to hear how hard it's been overnight, and sounds like really awful stuff, and very bad timing for it too, with friend. Perhaps if nothing else, one good thing came out of it, in that you feel certain you made the right choice, and his behaviour confirmed this.

Well done on being so organised and well prepared this morning, so that things are the least trouble in that way a possible for you.

Did you get to any crochet yesterday?

[CheerBear]

Thanks @Mazarita. I expected last night wouldn't be easy and did well through I think, all things considered. I'm thankful to have had a supported choice (in general) and a choice in how. This is a difficult process but this way it was in my control a bit more, I could work it around the kids, and in my own mind it is something I have done rather than something that was done to me which is important to me. I feel far more confident with this decision this morning and have a lot less guilt and sadness than I thought I'd have. This is right. I have big words (mostly ones that begin with F and you 😉) for friend but am trying to keep my big feelings from attacking him so I wont use them.

I did start some crochet yesterday and am loving it. It's going to be a mum holding a baby and is what I'm planning on doing today. I made some curls for hair with yarn, skewers and a steam iron yesterday - something I havent done before.

How was your yesterday and how is your day looking?

[Mazarita]

Wonderful that you are so clear with things, despite the difficulties since we last spoke, @CheerBear. Your approach to friend seems amazingly calm and wise. At a time when he should have been supporting you to the max, you were instead looking after him. Still, as you say, it has made things much, much better that, aside from this, he is supporting your choices.

I hope your friendship is able to survive this event. I've never mentioned to you before, but my second experience like yours was with C, in the early years when we were having that kind of relationship. It wasn't easy at the time, mainly because he didn't want to talk about it at all! For other reasons, I felt very much on my own emotionally at that time with the experience. But he and I were okay about things with some time.

Yay for the crochet you started yesterday! A lovely choice of project too, as with your current avatar. 

Yesterday I was busy on the computer, as expected. Spoke to mum on the phone again. Enjoyed the presence of C. Became very tired from lack of sleep and took a long daytime nap. Did some online shopping for xmas for some hours last night and have gifts on their way for mum and my dear longtime friend in the country down there. Was really hot so stayed inside for the most part with the aircon on. All fine here.

Today will probably be similar. I have quite a few video projects ramping up here now, so will be on the computer a fair bit, I'd say. Hopefully get to a few small domestic things. And see what else arises.

[CheerBear]

Huge hugs @Mazarita. Thank you for sharing that part also. It's wonderful that you and C found your way through it with time. My big was an oopsies and while I considered my options, there wasn't really ever a decision for me I think as I knew it was right to continue. The decision was more about whether that was as a single parent straight up or not. I too had someone refuse to speak about it which was very, very hard. I can only imagine the aloneness you faced with your choice. My friend's reaction to this one was a shock and very unusual feeling as all he wanted to do was talk and be with me. I know his intentions were good and I hope we can still be friends but am OK if this is the end of it. He wants more than I can give him and I don't feel bad about being able to recognise or express that.

Sounds like you hit another good balance of doing and being yesterday 🙂 Hope your mum is going OK enough. Go you with the xmas shopping. Its on my to-do list very soon (giant ugh really as I dont like shops). Hope the video-ing goes well again today. Feeling like I wish I could see them again, but letting my imagination fill in the gaps 🙂

I'm going to go and wake up little people then probably have a long shower. Thanks for the chat and for your support and friendship which feels like a warm hug and helps my alone feelings heaps.

Big love to you Maz xxx

[Mazarita]

Big love to you too, @CheerBear. And hugs, of course, always hugs.  

[PeppiPatty]

Hi @Mazarita Hi @CheerBear

Great posts. @CheerBear I like how you clarify your feelings in a situation with your friend last night. That took me / takes me a long long time to get there.

It's something I need to remember to tell me son who is listening to too many people's problems.....