Family members detrimental to my well being

[Decadian]

Hi @Aphrodite

I found it hard to read your posts because of my cataracts - but I think I have the gist of them

You have the kind of family that would go nicely with mine - luckily I have two siblings and that is 2 too many - so I get it

Strange - although I missed what you posted yesterday I dreamed about my siblings last night - it was so vivid - and I could see them so clearly - I decided to leave them doing whatever it was they were doing - and one of them danced up and down telling me I didn't care and I didn't care - that's so true - and the other one followed me around like they did when we were kids and I had to stamp my foot at them like I do with my cat - and I just had to tell you this - because our dreams tell us a lot

Your family sounds terrible - but because your family is terrible that doesn't make you bad - I know it hurts and families do gang up on one member at times

I am sorry you are going through all of this - it's life and it's not at all fair

But we can't choose our families - we can choose what we become ourself - I have a lot of trouble forgiving one of my siblings - not because of what they did to me but because of the sorrow they called our parents - but even the - our parents chose to believe her lies and I have no control over that - so I guess in seeing this I have been understanding at least

I can't say time heals all things - I don't think it does - but time gives us space to grow ourselves

And we are better off keeping ourselves from vexatious spirits - they do us no good but certainly cause us harm

But thank you for sharing - it is in sharing that we can learn that it is okay to feel this way as long as we can eventually move on - moving on takes place in its own time - but you have said it all now - or some of it anyway

Decadian

[PeppiPatty]

Dear @Aphrodite

This is a really sad message. So shocked that anyone could blame you for someone's death. Please do not let these....wrong and highly emotionally driven comments stop you for being a good person that you already are. 

Can you imagine that your in a forest. You are walking on a path that takes you into the centre of the forest. There are beautiful trees around you and other nature that is at your reach. As you walk down the path, you can feel leaves brushing your clothes that feel....... more peaceful. Your sadness is melting away. Nature is the healing of all wrongs. Can you feel calm floating inside you the deeper you go? 

Care to you PPx

[Aphrodite]

Thankyou @PeppiPatty@Decadian- I am in a better place more and more as the days go by, and your posts bring me comfort and reassurance, so thank you.  The night this incident happened, I laid in my bed, unable to sleep at 3.00am, crying and feeling really broken, then I posted on a 'Fibro Myalgia' group site as I figured that there would be someone somewhere in the world who would respond - many did, and there was a couple of incredibly insightful and beautiful posts of support, I was truly amazed of the power of using these sights as a means of gaining support.  I have since discovered this site, so it will also be a place I feel safe.  Thanks again xo

[Decadian]

Thanks for letting us know @Aphrodite

It can be terrible to be alone at night and crying - this is a big LIKE that you were able to find help through social media -

We are not alone Decadian

[Aphrodite]

Hi @Former-Member- I have often thought about friends that I love, and how they replace the sisterly love that I do not experience.  These non-blood family are the very 'special' friends, and I have never really made alot of those.  For some reason I have had many associates, and some lovely ones too, but 'special' friends, I have only ever had a couple.  Having said that, the only trouble is I don't get to spend much time with my 'special' friends either because they are all married, and I am not, so life can still be a bit lonely, and I have learnt not to have too much expectations of my 'special' friends because they do have a very different life to mine, and because I am on my own, I would be more in need.  There was a time there where I felt quite hurt that I would read on facebook about all the outings and going away my 'special' friends were having with their children and other people, yet my son and I were always at home, going nowhere and not included, but I told myself to drop it because they also have other friends who are not my friends as well, and bottom line is, we just don't have that type of relationship where we go away together - also, they do things as a family.  I don't know what I would do without the comfort of my 'special friends'. 🙂

[Aphrodite]

Hi @PeppiPatty - Feeling really pissed as I just wrote a response to you, and lost it - the second time that has happened to me on here.  Grrrrr!  Anyway, so now it is getting close to bedtime, so I will have to do a condensed version.  Firstly, thankyou for your kind words, and thankyou for asking about my son - he is with his dad Friday nights - he never wants to go so that is a bit stressful, but what is more stressful is that his dad takes him to Melbourne ever y Friday, and he is a dangerous driver - the powerlessness kills me!!!  

Sorry to hear about your friend suiciding - it is just so sad. I was shocked when I heard the statistics on tv the other day being 676 in Victoria alone in 2014. Yes, you just never know what is happening for some people, and then there are people who let you know - my sister mentioned a couple of times that she had suicidal thoughts - I was naive, and never thought for a second how real that could be, I just thought she was dramatic as she liked a good drama.  I had heard that if someone says it, then they are not serious, and would not do it, well obviously, that is not true, then there are the people that even the people closest to them do not see the warning signs.  It is 3 years on, and I still can't believe my sister died this way - it just doesn't seem to stop hurting.  She was my biggest rival at times, but she was also responsible for some hysterical laughter - we had an identical sense of humour, and she loved to take the stage, re-enacting events in a humerous way, and I would be the audience, laughing hysterically.  I really miss her so much.  It is lovely that his family opened their heart to you, and that his brother will hang out with you in your bedroom - I hope that you can see him and spend time in your bedroom reflecting on his brother and your friend.  Take care @PeppiPatty, and I will remain connected as I hope you will too. xo

[Aphrodite]

Hi @PeppiPatty - Feeling really pissed as I just wrote a response to you, and lost it - the second time that has happened to me on here.  Grrrrr!  Anyway, so now it is getting close to bedtime, so I will have to do a condensed version.  Firstly, thankyou for your kind words, and thankyou for asking about my son - he is with his dad Friday nights - he never wants to go so that is a bit stressful, but what is more stressful is that his dad takes him to Melbourne every Friday, and he is a dangerous driver - the powerlessness kills me!!!  

Sorry to hear about your friend suiciding - it is just so sad. I was shocked when I heard the statistics on tv the other day being 676 in Victoria alone in 2014. Yes, you just never know what is happening for some people, and then there are people who let you know - my sister mentioned a couple of times that she had suicidal thoughts - I was naive, and never thought for a second how real that could be, I just thought she was just being dramatic as she liked a good drama.  I had heard that if someone says it, then they are not serious, and would not do it, well obviously, that is not true, then there are the people that even the people closest to them do not see the warning signs.  It is 3 years on, and I still can't believe my sister died this way - it just doesn't seem to stop hurting.  She was my biggest rival at times, but she was also responsible for some hysterical laughter - we had an identical sense of humour, and she loved to take the stage, re-enacting events in a humerous way, and I would be the audience, laughing hysterically.  I really miss her so much.  It is lovely that his family opened their heart to you, and that his brother will hang out with you in your bedroom - I hope that you can see him and spend time in your bedroom reflecting on his brother and your friend.  Take care @PeppiPatty, and I will remain connected as I hope you will too. xo

[Appleblossom]

I lost posts all the time at the beginning @Aphrodite .. it is frustrating .. I think its just an overload or "bits" of information in the dialogue box .... dont take it personally ...

Take care

[PeppiPatty]

I think that this is very special that you can be mature in your place in your 'special friend's,' lives.

It also took me to sit still and remember I live my own life well without feeling weird when everyone catches up and has this.....'amazing life,' without me.
My friend just committed suicide. He was one of those people who's family took me in and embraced me. Only 49 years old. Even his oldest brother used to visit me and giggle in my bedroom together.
I remet his oldest brother yesterday, You just don't know what is happening behind the doors do you?
Stay safe @Aphrodite Please stay here when you want. I like how you write.
How is your son today ?
PP

[Decadian]

Hi @Aphrodite

I am sorry you lost your sister to suicide - that is a terrible loss

Yes - people say that people who talk about suicide are not likely to go through with it - but alas - that is false - people do go ahead - probably not being really heard by the people they talk to

But as you say - your sister loved the dramatic - and how hard it would be to know for sure - and what could you do? It's terribly hard to know what to do

I knew my son was suicidal - and I told everyone who was applicatble - and after he ended his life in Juvenile Detention things were changed in DHS so that everyone who had access to someone's file is aware immediately that a person is suicidal - or so I am told - I hope this is the truth

No one can tell when a person has genuine suicidal tendencies - some people might reach out and get the help they need - but the the world is very dark it must be harder to focus on that - and then - with regard to my son - I knew his suicidal gestures were genuine but iI know that when he died no one in the facility knew he was suicidal

So as you say - there were 676 suicides in Victoria in 2014 - and these are the deaths were suicide is obvious - it is not always this way - sometimes it would seem to be an accidental death with those closest knowing the truth

It is a terrible way to lose a close friend or a family member - there have been two suicides in my family and both of them are hard to know about - hard to live with - and I understand your feeling of helplessness

It is not your fault that you could not help - ultimately - the person who takes their own life makes their decision to do so

Decadian