Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

I dont have much to add to what others have said @Former-Member but very much keeping you in thoughts and sending as many hugs as you need and lots of ❤

[BlueBay]

Oh hugs @Molliex I know what you’re going through. 

@Former-Member Thanks for asking about hubby. He is ok at the moment. He tries to avoid ringing the nursing home to see how his mum. But like @Molliex said about her grandma  it’s days or weeks for us too. 

[Molliex]

Hugs back at you @BlueBay 

[eth]

@Former-Member  I want you to know you're in my thoughts too.  Do take care of you in the midst of it all.  Glad to see you have a lot of support here.  It makes all the difference in getting through hard and sad times.  Best wishes and safe travels.  xx

[Former-Member]

Thanks everyone, so very much. Its really hard here today. Everything seems to be caving in around me.  I'm feeling overwhelmed and am not coping at all well.  Today is my last day to get everything ready for our WA trip.  Slowly getting things done, but everything seems to be in slow motion today, almost like I'm feeling my way around in the dark. No further news regarding my BIL .. so still waiting.  Who knows how long this could take.  All I know is that they wont attempt to resucitate him when the time comes. That was his wish, and I think a sensible choice.  Its so sad that he has led a very lonely existance, mainly due to his bipolar.  And also we are both so sad that we didnt get to see him before he went into this kind of living-dead state.  He was so much looking forward to our visit this week, and would talk about it every day. We hadnt seen him, or hubbys other siblings or father for over 2 years because hubby has been so sick and had so many extended hospitalisations over the past 2 years.

So hard for everyone.  Not knowing if best to tell my 93yo FIL about his youngest child. He knows he is in hospital, but not that he is not expected to live.

I keep reading my newly prepared Safety Plan, which I have emailed to Nashy and Lauz this morning as I promised I would.  I keep reading it through and trying to figure out what I need to do.  Those warning signs are all still there.  One of my primary 'things to do for self' is to interact here on the forums.  Once we leave tomorrow, I am going to have very limited opportunities to be here.  So what else?  Maybe just the sheer act of being busy and preoccupied with getting hubby safely there and back, will be enough?  I hope so, because this is something I have to do, something I have set myself to achieve.  Its just so hard though, and I'm still not sure that I'm adequately equipped to make it happen safely for both of us.

No need to respond, I'm mainly just talking in my own head right now.  Oh speaking of head ... Ouch ... I banged the back of my head really hard this morning on the edge of a steel bracket ... hurt like crazy.  I rarely swear ... but I really rang out the expletives today.  I saw stars, and the world reeled in front of me - nearly knocked myself out I think.  A great lump has quickly developed despite a cold pack being used.  Now .. its really swollen and sore.  That'll teach me to rush!

Anyway hubby having his usual post lunch sleep.  I'm going to try to have a lie down myself now, try to reduce this throbbing head. Have to lie differently to usual, as its right in the wrong spot.

Hope you're all doing okay.  My apologies I cannot be around for you right now.  I can hit the support button, but not a lot more than that.  And I suspect it will be much the same whilst I'm away for the 10 days.

Sherry 😵🌹

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member 

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member 

[Maggie]

@Former-Member ❤️❤️❤️☕️☕️☕️

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member I haven't had the words for you here Hon but I know how you know how that is.

I fully understand that feeling of feeling your way in the dark - so much to do and no way to see through it all. The lower we feel the thicker the air in that darkness seems as well - as if it is not just hard to see past the spot we are on but hard to breath as well. It is debiltating and all encompassing.

You have so much pain within right now - so much loss and so much to deal with - that feeling of 'why bother - it is all too hard' sits right at the forefront of our minds and is hard to move through. But just as always your strength, your courage, your compassion and your care for everyone else shines through. It leaves nothing for you though Hon but sometimes that is the only way we get through as well. You have so much that you are walking into when you get to Perth but please also look after yourself. You are so valued and loved here - use your safety plan and reach out for extra support if you need - your feelings matter just as much as everyone else's around you and grief has it's own way of coming out. So do what you need to look out for yourself and know we are all here with you - holding you up when you need it and very much thinking of you. You matter and you are loved 

[outlander]

@Former-Member