14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom, i am glad it helps us both

i am so sorry about your mum, yes it can be complicated getting the death certificate, funeral & legal stuff sorted, not a good time to have to sort all that out.  i know how hard it was with dad, even though it was a very basic funeral because we knew no one in the town liked him we just went straight to the cemetary only imediate family was allowed.

yes i seem to stutter when i am anxious, it makes me sound like an idiot, and i find it very humiliating, yes i sometimes get the dry throat too, iif i am moderatly stressed i start to cough because of the dry thoat.

i am so glad i have met you too @Appleblossom, you are such a kind, generious person and an awsome mum from what you have told me, i am glad you joined the conversation.  i am glad you are in my life.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Karen my angel you can never annoy me, i am feeling a little settled, it will take me some hours yet to settle completely, i know you are always here with me, i am so grateful for your friendship.

please don't worry about talking about things, i am always here to listen, i will not judge you, you know that, please don't feel pressure, but i am always here to listen no matter how silly.

yes boys can be a handfull, can't they, i am sure they will go good in the show.

i hope you and the girls have some quality time tonight, they are more important than me, make sure you give them plenty of attention and hugs Karen.

thank you my friend, you are my guardian angel

[Jacques]

Thank you @Appleblossom, sometimes i forget or am unable to know how anyone can like me, it is nice to be reminded sometimes.

lol, yes i think i would take on a class of adults anyday over hyperactive kids

yes i get the palpitations bad too lately, feels like my heart is going to stop, some nights i just lie their paralized, not game to move, that along with the spontanious jerking of my arms and legs is very frightening.

i hope you can gain control over the palpitations, it may be because you are getting stressed from being so busy, maybe you need to take some time each day 10-20min just to sit with a tea or coffee and look out the window, enjoy the sights and sounds, no computer, no phones, just you and the trees.

it may make all the difference.  sometimes we get ourselves so busy and we don't even realise how stressed we are.  it is good to take some time back.

[Appleblossom]

Its so wonderful to be like children for a while .. the good fun bit of childishness.

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @Jacques

Its ok about mum .. she was in pain and had lived long enough .. with quite a few beautiful experiences in her sunset years.

Its just paperwork ..

even though I am losing licence .. I am ok about police .. havent got letter about it yet.

[Appleblossom]

You are right about busy .. but I try not to do too much.. not silly .. just steady.

I tend to curl up foetal position most days for at least a few times a day (30 min to  2 hours) whatever I need .. I cant cope at all without that.

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

just me again. The girls have finished their homework. And playing games.

I hope you are feeling a bit more settled. I worry about you , I know what it's like.

I didn't know you get palpitations to. Some days im sure im going to have a heart attack.

Any suggestions on the involuntary muscle movements I would be happy to hear. The psychs don't have any suggestions.

I get told that I need to just accept all the symptoms.

Even the suicide stuff my psychologist told me on Wednesday that I just need to accept it and try not ti think about it.

Only someone who has never experienced what we do would say that.

My reaction to their recommendations that I go back in the mhu hasn't been great. You were right....

I hope you have the spare sleeping bag and hot water bottle out im freezing cold and need to sit for awhile. I hope you don't mind the company J.

karen

[Jacques]

Are you sure you have lost your license? i am sure they would have sent it by now, they are usually quick to want their money!!!!

oh i am happy your mum is a pease now, my father was begging me to take his life in the end, he had just had enough.  he was completely dependant on me and mum, he was just so exhausted, when he did die, i was so happy, he was at pease. (i know it is a strange thing to say).

i am glad you take time out, maybe not good curling up in foetal position, oh i do when i sleep, sorry, maybe it is good, it gives me a sense of safty, maybe a freudian thing wanting to be in the womb again, lol.

i am glad you know how to take "time out" when you need it, i have not got to that space yet, i still feel guilty about sleeping and resting when i need to, i am young i should be able to go, but i just can't i sleep 16 hours a day, but still feel tired all the time.

[Jacques]

my angel sit with me as long as you want, here is a sleeping bag for you

yes i get the palpitations bad most nights,  the muscle movements i think is from the medication as i never got them before taking the medication, i think your doctors are right we just have to accept them as best we can. i find i get the muscle movements worse when i am stressed.

i don't know about accepting all the symptoms, some medications have less symptoms than others, maybe you just need to find your right medication reciepe.

yes i agree with the suicide comment, they have no idea what it is like to think about taking your own life every day, having to fight the urge.  they should not say just don't think about it, it just makes it worse, i find drowning out the thoughts with music works most times, if you have a smart phone Karen maybe go to the istore or play store and dget a mindfullness app, i have one on my phone and it is great, the soothing music and the calming voice, it does help a little.  maybe you should give it a try.

Karen you need to make your own decision about the MHU, it is always your choice to get help, your needs, commitments and best thing for your girls, i will suppoort you no matter what decision you make, i am always their with you, holding your hand, a comforting shoulder to rest on.

I understand when you are told something you over react, i do to, i usually react really bad, sometimes it is good just to take a few days/weeks to think things through.

i am here if you need me, i will never leave your side.

[Jacques]

Karen i have found another site i want you to visit, they have a hpone number on the web site, may be worth a try

http://www.trauma.org.au/individuals