14th year house bound

[Jacques]

Remember today your mindfulness techniques, stay in the moment don't focus on the past or future.

And remember they are only thoughts you don't have to act on them, you are not your thoughts

[hiddenite]

You know me too well Jacques.
Thank you it helps being reminded what to do.

im thinking of you and hope that you managed going into town.

rest up my friend you've had a big day.

karen

[Jacques]

I am shaking so bad Karen, I am having bad panic attacks, still the same shops but I am freaking out.

I don't know what is wrong with me today. My t-shirt is saturated with sweat.

Sorry Karen not much help to you today

[Appleblossom]

Sorry Jacques that things are tough. Feelings can be so powerful. Hoping you are safe and home now.

I am post menopausal woman and get flushes, but sweated most when I was doing regular gym. My son had body fluids and water obssessionss as part of his psychotic episode.  I tell him that it was just an extreme physiological response but the issues are real. Hope I am not making things worse.

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

im sorry things are so bad. I thought it was just me having a problem with sweating. It is so embarrassing. Especially when someone at school notices.

Jacques what have you done in the past that has helped when things are this bad.

sit at your desk and watch the animals. Remember to breathe don't gulp the air slow it down. You are safe and I am with you j.

[hiddenite]

Still here with you J

Maybe try to sleep if you can rest your mind.

im about to go into the girls school I have to help 20 six year olds dance. The thought of that should bring a smile. Their attention span is not so great

Never forget im always here for you J even if you just want to vent.

progressive muscle relaxation

What can you see around you J

what can you smell

what can you touch is it hot or cold, smooth or hard

what can you hear J.

please take care Jacques stay safe.
I will check in on you later.

Big hugs to you.

Karen

[Appleblossom]

Breathing .. not gulping comes from someone who knows panic too.

A lot of people on forum care about you Jacque even if we all struggle against difficult parts of ourselves.

I was very impressed about you teaching computers .. you know class situation that Karen talks about would be choatic, organised, gorgeous and good.

My main problem at the moment is the palpitations. Progressive muscle relaxation is good too.

[Jacques]

Thank you so much guys, i have just got home, my heart is racing i am sweating profusly and i have a bad headache, and thhe shaking, @Appleblossom you are right it is an extreme physical response to a percieved threat, it does not make it any easier, but i know in 4-5 hours i will calm down.

@hiddenite, thank you my angel, i needed the laugh, i am glad you are getting on with helping out with the children, i thought you might be so upset about your news you would get a bit depressed, remember try to do things that make you happy or content.

the smells are so nice the smell of flowers blooming, fresh cut grass, everything is so green here. i have tried to slow my breathing but i can't seem to do it, why am i afraid of people so much, i was shaking so bad i struggled to use my eftpos card, as soon as i am within 3 meters of a person my body goes into defence mode, i am so scared of being out in public, so scared of people, i am so exhausted Karen, so tired, but am unable to sleep because of the adrenaline pumping through my body.

sorry my angel i know you are havign a tough week to, my problems pail in comparison to yours, i feel a little guilty whinging when you are so strong and fighting so hard.

once agai nthank you @Appleblossom and my angel @hiddenite, you guys are such a great support, why does being alive have to be so hard........?

[Appleblossom]

Glad to be reminded of those lovely smells .. it helps with my breathing too.

I am home again .. just popped out to Police Station to get documents certified to apply for mum's death certificate and put the getting of sib's files in motion..

For years, when I was studying, I was quite isolated from people and often lived alone .. I started going to milk bar to break the isolation and articulate words and ask for things. My throat was so dry and unused to speaking it would be hard and I would have to clear my throat and and limber it up a bit so I could "act normal" in the shop.

The people in the queue at the police station today mostly looked like very tough agro individuals. Not ones we would want to trust or befriend.  I am also fairly against judging by looks .. so if any approached me or needed my help I would have been be pleasant and helpful .. luckily today .. nobody did .. I just want to be alone or only with trusted people.  It is really weird as I feel I finally am learning some ability to distinguish between being trusting and trustworthy. basically I've always been too open .. forced by circumstances to trust or accept everything.

There is something beautiful and gentle and joyous about being with you and Hiddenite that I cherish .. so thanks back to you.

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

just me again hope im not annoying you.

You don't even have to answer if you're not up to it.
I just want to let you know your not alone my friend.
Be kind to yourself, even just leaving the house when you know how difficult it's going to be for you is a great achievement.

Please never apologize I an here unconditionally.

I did something really stupid today....I wish I could talk about it

I went to school and danced around with the children. To the music I'm walking on sunshine.

The boys were standing on their heads and doing everything they shouldn't.

I'm home now with the girls.
I hope things are starting to settle j.

I'll be back later.
karen