14th year house bound

[Jacques]

@hiddenite it is ok, your posts are getting though, it is just their is no one to monitor the posts, so it takes a while for them to get approved. you have done nothing wrong, the posts are their.

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques

thanks for letting me know I didn't know what was happening.

The agent was a man and really triggered me. So arrogant. European background like my husband.

I tried to think of you and how kind you are to me.

it was a terrible process that hasn't gone smoothly but everything should be ok now.
It's sunny today the girls will probably want to go to the park. They both need new black shoes for the concert so I will have to take them to the shops.

I hope you're gardening goes well and you get to spend some more time in the sunshine.

Karen

[Jacques]

Well @hiddenite, my angel, guess what you have taken another step to recovery, i remember lastyear when that person ran into your car you could not take it to get fixed, but guess what you did take your car to get fixed and now you have got yourself a home, yes i am sure it was triggering,but you know what i could not have gone through with all of the stuff to buy a home, i can't handle too many new people, but you did it, and someone so triggering too, you should be so proud of yourself.

yes you need to remember not all people are as cruel as you husband and parents, their are os many woderful people out tgheir, i know it is hard i struggle with people too, i have to remind myself daily people are not going to turn on me, so i am well aware how you and i, how our minds turn strangers into our worst fears, we both need to fight that in our own ways, Karen you are starting to challenge your thoughts, your memories, you are winning the fight, we both are.

ogh i am glad it is sunny where you are ,and the park will be a nice change for you and the girls, i am sure they will enjoy it.  oh the big concert, yes new shoes are a must, i am sure the costumes look wonderful, i am sure you have done a great job, you should be proud of yourself, please take some time to reward yourself, you have achived so much these past few weeks, i think it is time you pampered yourself, do some girly thing, make yourself feel worthwhile.

Oh yes the garden is dug up and the seeds planted now i just have to wait to see if anything grows.

i used seasol for the first time, oh my does it stink, i do not know what is in it but i nearly passed out from the smell, but plants love it, so that is what they got.  it was not to bad digging the dirt, it was moist for about 10-20 cm so itheir was not much work in it, just that the dirt is more like clay, so i had to add a lot of l=potting mix into it to break it up a bit.

i will take some picks if anything grows. i could see you sitting on my pourch watching me, with a nice glass of lemonaid, it is a beautiful day here today all sun and 18 degrees, i actually worked up a sweat.  the first time since may.

i hope you had some fun today with the girls, my thoughts are with you, my amazing angel

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hey J

thanks for the bottle of sparking water. I would love to sit with you and watch the garden grow.

I don't need any presents but I might need some help with the renovations.
karen

[Appleblossom]

I found it terrifying 13 years ago when I bought my house .. I doubted myself a lot but if you do due diligence and spend within your means, it should work out.

Its funny about real estate agents ..  @hiddenite but they are also just middle men .. and you can move beyond them.

Seasol does smell dreadful .. @Jacques yet I still prefer organic not chemical fertilisers .. I did a lot of gardening when i first bought house .. it helped calm me down.

[Jacques]

Hi @hiddenite my angel,

yes i a mquitely excited about my first foray into the gardening world, i would love to be their giving you a hand wit hthe renovations, but my dear Karen you have done it all before, i remember you telling me you have renovated a house, so i am going to be interested in seeing how you go this time, who knows we might be able to swap tips on different room reno's

i am really tired tonight, the past weeks have caught up with me, i am mentally and physically drained. looking forward to a quiet week.

take car my angel speak to you tomorrow.

Jacques

[Jacques]

Hi @Appleblossom

Yes i agree, i try to use all natural stuff in anything i do, it is getting harder though because everything seems to be being based more and more on chemicals.

i am finding it helps calm the anxiety, and definitely boost my mood (depression) when i see the plants growing, gives me such a sense of purpose.

These days i struggle to find anything good about humans as a species, just prefer to be isolated watching wild animals and watching my plants and imagining nothing else exists.

[Jacques]

Hi @hiddenite my angel,

I am just checking in too see how you are going, today has been a quiet day, all i did today was lay some pavers (12) and fixed a leaking tap, otherwise i have spent the rest of the day sleeping, i am so tired from the past weeks, i seem to be playing catchup.

i hope it is not as cold where you are, yesterday was beautiful here but today their is a cold southerly, i suppose you are getting it too.

I hope today went quickly for you, not pleasent sitting in the car on a day like today.

Someone i used to know from high school drove past my house today, i hid in the shed to make sure he could not see me, i can't believe after 14 years people still want to annoy me, i wish they would all just leave me alone.  i don't bother them.

anyway after that i was too scared to go out side so i just had some lunch and went to sleep.  my way of escaping life.

hope you and the girls had a nice afternoon yesterday, anyway i have just been thinking about you today and thought i would just write to say hello.

take care my angel, stay warm

Jacques

[hiddenite]

Hi Jacques
its been freezing here hasn't gone past 6.

I've been so distressed the past couple of days. My dad some really nasty hurtful things to me. I just don't know how my parents cannot love me.

I'm sorry you were frightened its awful feeling the need to hide from everyone.

I understand I feel the same as you about society there is nothing I see that I would want to participate in. People scare me.
I would rather isolate myself in the car than be around people.

so you are not alone there.

I would like to escape life....its j u st too painful.

Take care my friend
karen

[Jacques]

Hi @hiddenite my angel,

oh no i am soory the temps have been so low.

oh Karen you will be free of your parents soon, have your own home, i am sorry i don't understand either, you are such a wonderful person, you are kind and compassionate, and had a really tough life.  sometimes parents can be a big part of the problem instead of being part of the solution.

yes, you and i would be good friends, always isolated by a river, , yes i would too, but we both have people in our lives whom depend on us, we just have to fight on as best we can.  you and i just seem to have the rough end of the stick when it comes to life hey?

my thoughts are with you my friend.  remember you are a good person, don't allow your parents to tell you otherwise.

Jacques