Thats understandable that you are struggling with being a carer @outlander . People underestimate just how much is involved in being a carer. It is NOT an easy task at all, and obviously made more difficult by a very 'difficult' caree. The fact that your Mum also unfairly relies on you so much for your siblings also adds to your already onerous burden.
It was most unfortunate that your Pop was assessed a few weeks ago as not having dementia. That would have opened up some very helpful options for you and him too. But at least you now have a baseline which you can work with next time. Its highly likely that his mental cognition will go backwards in the near future anyway. And his physical abilities will also likely deteriorate, for which you can always request further assessments as to his needs. Just something to keep in mind.
Its okay, I wont mention this on the LE side. Though a lot of people do cross over to the 'dark side' and back. No secrets around here, aye? Please dont doubt your significance with regards your posts either here or on the LE side. Little one, you have LE and you are a carer, you have every right to be here on both sides. Its for people like you and I that these forums are here for. Never ever doubt your right to be here ... please continue to post and gain the support you need, when you need it. If there are times you do not feel able to provide support to others, then that is fine too. There are many others around here who will cover your absence. Thats not to say your daily check ins would not be missed. I think we all love to get those little checking in messages that you regularly post to all of us. But do not feel obliged to do that if you are not feeling up to it. It is not a prerequisite to receiving the support you need, when you need it. We all know you will be back when you can, when it comes to supporting others. If you need to ... take a step back and let others care for you for a change, figuratively speaking that is.
As for you needing to pay for respite for your Pop if you need a break ... I do not know why you would need to pay for it. Ultimately he is not, nor should he be, your financial responsibility. Surely your Mum can do something to help out if need be? Am I correct in thinking you are receiving a carers payment? Can I just point out that that payment does not include any allowances to be used towards respite care for your Pop. I repeat ... it is not your responsibility to pay for your Pops additional expenses if or when needed. I expect your Pop would have some funds in a bank account of his own, its likely he can afford to pay for some respite care if necessary.
As for remaining a carer? That is someone only you can answer. For someone so young (22?) it is a huge undertaking and one which is life changing. You cannot have the life that most 22yo's have. You have responsibilities as a carer, which simply do not permit what most people would consider a 'normal' life. If you were to cease your carer responsibilities, what are the repercussions? Okay, you would lose the carers payment. Loss of income is tough, but it would also allow you more time to do extra paid work when able. You are studying and that will hopefully eventually lead to better chances of employment. Which is not possible if you are a full time carer. Have you thought about this? If you did not care for your Pop, what would happen there? Would he go into some sort of aged care facility? Would he find another carer from elsewhere? Carers do not have to be full time live-in, many obtain the carers payment but live off site, only being there basically from wake up time through to bed time. Could this be an option?
There are a lot of things you have to think about Outlander, no wonder you feel a lot of pressure and feel like you are entering a meltdown situation. Even without personal MH challenges, the responsibility and pressures of caring for others, is hard work.
What plans do you have for today sweetie? I have just stripped beds and done a load of washing of sheets and towells. Its been difficult getting hubby out of bed long enough lately to strip, wash and remake the bed. Perfect opportunity with him being away these few days. I have rung him this morning and he said he is feeling crook, but coping. Unusual for him, he was awake and out of bed by 7.30am. They were hitting the road again at 8am. The guys travelling are all early risers. I will be out for a bit now as my washing machine is beeping at me that its done. Washing to hang out. Back soon.
Sherry 🧡
