Hi Thanks @xp.

I also think we have some similar experiences and it is good to know that I'm not alone. I also lived interstate from my family for over 25 years (I thought I read that your are interstate from family).
Being in my hometown has some benefits but I'm still fairly isolated.
Partly by choice and necessity while I'm dealing with a number of traumas.

A thought that came up for my healing is I think I need to practice and develop skills that help healing. Like a gratitude practice.
And self forgiveness. And being able to like myself.

A powerful thought came up last night that made a difference to me.

I am already the person I aim to be.

This is because I already have the qualities and values of the person I aspire to be. (No miracle there. They are my values of course. But I had an experience when I didn't exhibit my best values and it was somewhat public. This event stemmed from someone being very disrespectful to me. I was gutted and I responded in a less way that also looked disrespectful.) 

After 5 years, I think I can forgive myself for the action I took that wasn't in alignment with my best self and values.

That event and the inadequate follow-up from my team/community, added to or maintains my trauma.

(And if you are wondering, No, I didn't hurt anyone.)