Hi all,

I decided to join the forums to talk to like minded people and possibly help people who have similar struggles to my own.

A little about me,

I'm female in my early 30s, I love making stuff, I knit, sew, crochet, draw and write. I also make resin and clay jewellery and trinkets.

I've been diagnosed with 

Anxiety 

Social anxiety 

Depression 

Panic disorder 

C-PTSD 

D.I.D

ADHD

Audio and visual psychosis (hallucinations)

Paranoia

I came into the world unwanted. My mother chose to give birth and chose not to put me up for adoption but she then resented me my whole life because of how I came to be. I was neglected and abused. Then I was put in foster care at 5 and sexually abused, I ran away joining a group of foster care runaways at 8 where I met a man who took advantage of me and my best friend for almost a year. We escaped him but she took her life we were almost 10. I ended up in a childrens mental health ward for 6 months after trying to take my own life. Children services were informed while I was there and I was sent to a home for troubled children before being sent back to my mother. In the time I was away from my mother she had 4 more children who she showered with affection I basically became a house maid till I turned 13 when she met a man who got her on drugs then I had to be a mother too. By the time I was 14 I was raising my siblings basically on my own my mother rarely came home and I basically dropped out of school, I turned to alcohol when my siblings were at school. I only drank enough to numb everything but not so much I couldn't be there for my siblings. I was 16 when children services took my siblings away and they were adopted by their foster family. I was back I hospital after being found by a lake and revived twice over the following week. My mother died that same week, I refused to go to her funeral. My siblings new parents heard about what happened to me and their mother's sister took me in but I retreated inside myself and by the time I came out of my mind 2 years had passed. I was diagnosed with CPTSD and DID the following year. With the help of my new family I was able to get mentally stable and complete a year 12 equivalency course through Tafe. I also was able to still have a relationship with my siblings but it was as a big sister who lived with their aunt rather then a mother figure. By the time I was 25 I had been diagnosed with the rest of it and heavily medicated. I can't work and I now rely on oxygen mask most of the day to breathe due to damage to my lungs. But I have a husband, 2 adorable sons and a family who cares and supports me. I don't think I'll ever fully heal from my childhood but I don't let it define me anymore.