@creative_writer thanks hon.

It is so much easier to fall into bad habits isn't it. Not being allowed to feel negative emotions must have been difficult and having role models self medicate in all the wrong ways, there is that stubborn, well why can't I? thought that you have. 
So yes, how are we supposed to cope when we haven't been given the proper tools?

Is there anything that is healthy that helps when you feel like this?

I'm trying to find some coping tools for myself as well, I hate that I think bad things and make myself feel worse because then I tell myself off for thinking those thoughts.