@Birdofparadise8 wow that's a lot to process. I understand how you feel about not apologising to your psych, I tend to go over and over things in my mind and think "I should have said this." It's really draining.

It sounds like for every step forward you make you're taking 2 steps back with progress. 

It is always easier to be your true self online because there is that anonymity attached to it - it's a safe place where we don't get judged and can say how we truly feel.

I feel sad today because I used to have someone who I could be myself around and now I don't. Probably why I spend so much time on the forums now.

I've been having dreams about my ex friend lately too, where we are friends again and I wake up wishing I didn't remember the dreams because I know it's never going to happen.

I wish I could give you a big hug. You are such a smart amazing person, you don't deserve all this crap 😍💐