I'm glad you're back but sorry to hear how much you're struggling and how much others have struggled to help. First of all, I hope you can see 15 years with some perspective. My brother encouraged me once by saying, "Life isn't short. Life is long." 15 years of pain and survival despite hurting yourself and maybe others and others hurting you. How have you coped previously without resorting to self-harm? And look, I personally think we are all basically incompatible with each other, whether friends, family, carers, whatever, so what your carers need to do to help you is no more than anyone else has to do with anyone they care about. Something that has really helped affirm my expectations of people and relationships generally is an online talk by Alain de Botton, "Why You Will Marry The Wrong Person." 23 minutes of just really quite sobering and endearing realism, including a great definition of love, "generosity of interpretation." There is a place for interpretation in all this and some perspective. We are here for each other with as much support as we can provide, please remind us and yourself too of some of the ways you manage to overcome your most limiting thoughts and destructive behaviours.