@The-red-centaur So sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, that is heavy stuff. I hope you are able to get lots of rest tonight, as it sounds like you're really sitting in a lot of exhaustion. It's reassuring to know that you are feeling less suicidal, but I am sad to know how hopeless you are also feeling. 

With the autism diagnosis, totally understand it could be a bit of a process - it's always hard getting diagnosed later in life. How are you feeling about the prospect of being diagnosed with ASD?