Thank you for sharing @Birdofparadise8 . These thoughts do and will come. I think the important aspect is knowing what you can do to keep yourself safe. 

I used to get very down when these intrusive thoughts came....and then the thoughts would become more intrusive.... the more I tried to push the thoughts away, the worse that get.

So instead, it was about re-directing the thoughts.

I hope tomorrow is a better one for you!