@Historylover Thank you… I am fortunate to live with a friend who is supporting me a lot by getting me to walk, it does help, even though I just want to lie in the dark. This forum has been a godsend these past few days. For me, it is more comforting than the hotlines and stuff… just being with people who understand how tough it is. It helps me. Hopefully I can help them feel less alone too. 

Those waves of painful emotions… they are so full on. I try to remember that in between the waves, it’s not so overwhelmingly horrible - still tough, but not unbearable. In the middle of it, it really does feel like it will never end. It’s a marathon. Right now, I feel a bit calmer. Exhausted. But at the moment, not suicidal. Which is such a relief that it is making me cry. Ahhh. Thank you for letting me tell you how I feel, history lover. Hopefully I can be there for you if you need it too.