@Helpmeheal, you have to take time out to heal, to find out what you want out of life, what you would like to achieve, to be independent. Do you have hobbies, studies you would like to do, interests you would like to pursue, friends, family, garden...

I'm trying all such things myself. It's not easy, but it's a path forward and you have to find your own, I'm just saying all are an option if they interest you. YouTube is a fount of knowledge and interests. I'm sure there are others. Don't waste your time or your precious life. Find happiness for yourself to replace your pain. Just take it slowly and don't go off in all different directions, or waste money.

Just writing in the absence of others who must all be occupied at the moment. They'll be sure to be along soon. 

I hope you have the best possible weekend, @Helpmeheal. Sending warm hugs and best wishes. Take care.