@chibam it sounds like what should have been a safe and caring relationship wasn't what you experienced and I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. It sounds like you have an understanding of what happened here regarding your SH, and from my understanding recognising the why is an important step to recovery or prevention. Sounds like you are learning to sit with distress and that can be a tool, as we remember that our emotions aren't permanent, but also reframing can be a useful tool in my experience. I have posted a bit about there over here . Thank you for sharing 💝