@Bow I imagine the process and the questions are very much a crappy thing to go through. It is truly a tragedy of this system that you and many others feel the need to lie due to fear of repercussions.

At the end of the day, the most important thing is for you to be safe, and it sounds like that is a struggle for you right now.

What stands out to me the most is this:

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trying not to do what it says

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You are fighting to stay here, to push back the darkness, and to get through a difficult night. You could even contact a crisis line via phone or chat simply to help you get a little closer to tomorrow, to shave away the hours of the darkness and hope for an easier tomorrow. You can tell them as much or as little as you want, but you don't have to be alone in this moment.