I’m such a right royal f’up. I’m such a disappointment to my mum, I can never do anything right. 

She had to look after me for years when all I wanted to do was die. She funded my rehab stay. Now I’m a single mum and I’m back living with my parents and my life is spiralling out of control and here She is having to pick up the pieces.

this afternoon I was sitting at my computer talking to the HC about my appointment this afternoon, I was so frustrated and angry with myself I just need to talk to someone. Thought I was doing the right thing. Mum walks in and wants to sit and I ask her to leave as I was doing stuff. 

Now she hates me. She hates that I talk to others absolutely not her. She hates that my pastors know more about mum life than she does. Now I just have to shut up and not talk to anyone. I have to keep it inside. I can’t  do anything right by her. I’m such a disappointment and a failure in her eyes. I don’t know why I even bother. I wish I was gone. I wish Monday turned out different.