Hi @WIP Hearing how hard this is for you  I was in a very similar place a couple of years ago. We had also tried many, many different meds, combinations, dosages, etc. After nearly 2 years of 'trial and error' and being in that very dark place we finally found the right meds to help. In amongst all that giving up and suicide were constantly on my mind - with several attempts, severe side effects and a more general feeling of hopelessness and not worth continuing to try.  I also did not sleep - did not want to no matter how exhausted I was as for me sleep was filled with traumatic thoughts and plagued by flashbacks and nightmares. I always felt like if I did sleep I would not wake up but the dichotomy was that all I wanted to do was sleep and never wake up. I did however have a wonderful support team around me as well as the beautiful, caring and supportive people here on this forum. Along that road I did not have family support as they had no idea (and still don't) how bad I was nor how ill I was. I also had (have) no friends I can turn to. But I did get through that period once the right meds and support was in place. I am now more stable and back to work. So I suppose what I am saying is that change, improvement and 'life' is possible. No-one here around 3 years ago would have ever dreamed that I would be back to where I am now (I certainly didn't) but I am proof that it is possible to regain some meaning and some hope in life. 

As hard as it is - continue to reach out and continue to have hope that the meds and support you do have may make a difference. Would it be worthwhile seeking out alternative professionals to those you are currently seeing if you are feeling they do not care anymore. It is a diffiult time for many currently but that does not mean you should be getting any less of a service from them - you matter just as much as anyone and deserve that care and support.