Thanks @WombatBoots

My son has just come back from his girlfriend's place after his trip up north .. so a few nights away and thank god I can take a back seat.

I have had one thought thought .. a positive thing his psychiatrist said .. a bit about "where we are going to as a family"... sometimes there is so much attention given by causcasians to the need for adolescents to separate but it is really a relative thing .. separate a bit but maintian the links  ... it was nice to think that I can plan as his mother and that does not mean I am a bad over-involved clinging mum .. and then his girlfriend started planning with me .. and so I think we are growing a sense of family that suits the 3 of us. So I am feeling optimistic atm.