Thanks @MoonGal I know that what you say is true ... I knew it then ... I was nt involved in a manner that was exploitative ... probably me being childish and ... complaining about how difficult it is to discuss any of the issues that have been central to my existence. 

I wrote a research paper on Sylvia Plath in the year of all the copy cat suicides ... as both a distraction and seeking of understanding.  It was a comfort during that year of storms after my sister died. Its just one of the many things floating around inside me.

I understand and accept the forum guidelines about the post.  Especially @Former-Member mention of the probable fact that distraight people reading alone without support can be easily trigered and we have no way of knowing or helping them if they dont make themselves known.

I think what is coming out is the need for some structured group work on the matter.. the one to one counselling generally available does not seem up to dealing with this difficult topic adequately. It is often so difficult to bring up ourselves ... somewhat like DBT ... but with specific focus on these behaviours and thoughts.

Anyway that is what I am hearing loud and clear on this forum.