Part 2
Day 4
Good sleep last night after being physically sick. So my sleeping med was no longer in my system - but I slept ok without it.
Woke up but just lay in bed keeping warm & then my psychiatrist came in. I didn't wake up with him at the end if my bed for once. That's a win for me.
Doing well this morning. At lunch a lady brought up an innocent comment about her son. Bugger. The tears judt came. But I calmed down quickly. Went and had a smoke. Feeling slight anxiety. "I can manage this level of anxiety", I told myself. 5 minutes later I was asking my nurse for 2 prn calmers. While I waited the 1 minute for her to get them - my shaking hands got worse. My right leg (only) was trembling/ shaking violently - it was hard to stay standing. My whole body was shaking. Yet mentally / emotionally I felt fine. Wasn't dwelling or thinking about earlier thoughts of my son. No SI at all. But couldn't understand why I was shaking. I took my tablets. The nurse said I should go to my room and lie down. But I said no- I'll go and have a smoke. I'm ok. Bloody hard to walk when one leg has severe shakes.
Had a smoke and realized I wasn't okay - so went and lay on my bed. Bugger this nurse is annoyingly right. Just like my psychologist. Lol. Slept for 2 hours.
The rest of the day a little restless multiple times.
I think this may be due to the fact that I normally self medicate (alcohol & fatty foods) to numb my feelings. And now I don't have anything to numb myself with & feelings are coming up. Even when not in a group and just trying to eat lunch.
I need to learn some safe coping techniques when my anxiety or stress is high. I have to learn safe coping techniques to deal with 'feelings'.
Not happening at the moment. But it will.
Night night