Hi @Shaz51 @Daisy16 @Judi9877 @BlueBay @Anastasia @Aniela ,

As a continuation of my former posts here, I want to go into my early years.

When I was first diagnosed with BPD, it didn't make sense because I came from a really 'good' family. I had everything provided for me, my parents NEVER fought. I was the middle child of three. I had an 'ideal' family. The diagnosis truely didn't make sense because I'd read of the trauma other BPD survivors endured in their youth.

It has only been in the last 2 years that I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I was thinking, "WHAT? What trauma have I gone through? My family was and is the perfect family."

 My therapist worked with me closely and was able to shine light on my 'not-so-perfect' family. What I thought was 'normal' was actually consistent episodes of invalidation to the point where my emotions were buried deep within me, and if, perchance any emotion was shown, it was quickly shut down. My childhood fears, pain, sadness, I am so isolation were 'not allowed' to be shown and I thought this was normal. It has taken months for me to accept that my BPD's roots were in my upbringing. There is still a lot for me to learn. But the pain of my childhood is there.

Now that I have worked on naming the pain and anguish I was subjected to endure as a child, I can work with the pain. The hurt is still very real, but naming it has enabled me to move on. Otherwise, it was a pain I continually tried to bury. The more I tried to bury it, the more it resurfaced. This is where the instability associated with BPD took hold. 

@BlueBay , you have mentioned the pain of your childhood which is only too real. My heart goes out to you and I hope you will be able to find some compassion on yourself to live the life you deserve.

I am still working on accepting that the root of my BPD was my early years. I do not blame anybody, but want people to realise that having BPD does not make you 'unloveable', 'a mistake' or 'bad'.

Take care my friends,

BPDSurvivor