Wow @BlueBay , that GP DEFINITELY knows what he's doing. The fact that he set boundaries from the beginning (appt every 2 weeks) is fantastic. I can see how it would have been triggering if you made extra appointments, but I guess it about being cruel to be kind? I don't have such a great experience with GPs....I tend to just go for things I need rather than having them oversee my MH.

When you said, "My doctor  was very happy in my decision and that I made it all by myself", I had the thought that it is remarkable. It shows you are in control and the 'chair' of your treatment. It also shows progress. I know, because it has been something I have had to deal with too. My psychologist is pretty good, they will offer me suggestions and options rather than 'tell me what to do'. I HATE being told what to do. To me, it feels like I am already internally 'out of control', so just give me some control of my life!

In terms of control, another situation I often found myself in was when I was going through a bad phase, I would stop eating. In retrospect, it was because I wanted to feel in control and because I could not control anything else around me, I 'controlled' my eating. It never turned into an eating disorder...it was more 'disordered eating'. In other words, I controlled when and what I was going to eat. I made sure I did not eat anything if someone told me to. I guess I was trying to regain the feeling of control when I was totally out of control.

It's great how you were about to have ACT treatment at Spectrum. That is what I want to get into now. I had an assessment with Spectrum a few months ago, but what told they no longer run these short programs. Since I have already completed 18 months of MBT with them, I didn't think I could commit to another 12 months of DBT - purely because of the 3 hours of travel I would have to make each week. Also, I felt like I had come far enough in my recovery not to need the intensity of 12 months of DBT with them. Hence I have been looking elsewhere for just BPD groups which cover aspects of DBT....but to no avail.

Often, it is said people develop BPD due to childhood trauma. I can see you have been affected by trauma. Mine was a bit different, and I will share it in my next post.

BPDSurvivor

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