@BPDSurvivor 

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It's interesting reading your story. I can really relate. 
I met my current GP about three years ago. I was not well and I remember my very first appointment he sent me to hospital via ambulance as I was dissociating in his rooms. After that he knew I had BPD as well as my other mentsl health diagnosis. 
I really trusted my doctor and would see him all the time. 
He decided one day to talk to me about boundaries and Whst he thought would be beneficial. He typed up a contract that stayed i was to see him only every 2 weeks. I could call and he would call me bsvk. Well over the years I would break that contract and make appointments to see him. Sometimes if he saw the appointment online he would delete my appt. and then call me. At first I was so raged. I thought in my head "that's it he must hate me if he doesn't wNt to see me". And then I'd think "oh no he can't abandon me" 

after this rule for almost 2 years I decided that now I will make my next appointment in 3 weeks instead of 2. I'm going to try to extend the length of time I'm seeing him. 
My doctor  was very happy in my decision and that I made it all by myself. 
yeah another issue I have is relying on others for hrlp advice and support. It's like I do not trust myself with my decisions.