For those you have not heard my story, here's a bit of it:

I was first diagnosed with BPD in my late teens. I always did very well at school, but then towards my last two years of school, I lost interest. I became very withdrawn, isolated myself, and became very depressed. The frustration caused my to explode with rage. The emotional pain caused me to self-harm. The lack of control I felt caused me to act impulsively so that I would 'feel something'. I became so attached to someone and had the feeling of jealous every time she talked to someone else. It became an obsession. I was NOT happy with myself or the person I was becoming. I thought there was something inherently wrong with me.

Due to a self-harm episode, I was admitted to an inpatient unit. As @BlueBay mentioned, the diagnosis wasn't discussed with me (or I have no recollection of it), but I opened the letter from the hospital which was addressed to my GP. It had the diagnosis 'Borderline Personality Disorder'. I had no idea what this was. As a teenager, I had no idea what to do, and for some reason, I didn't look into it.

Anyway, time went on. I refused anti-depressants, I refused group therapy, I resisted psychiatrists, I found psychologists 'useless'. In retrospect, I now see this as me simply 'not ready' for treatment.

Over the next 6 years, I continued to struggle. I disconnected from my family because I did not want to discuss my MH. I ended up packing my bags and moving interstate. The change was great at first. I thought I can start afresh where no body knows me. Within 5 years, things started going downhill. I came to the end of myself. I was regularly sectioned and in hospital.

Finally, I reached out. Please note, it was I, myself, who reached out. I was not TOLD by someone I needed help like all the previous times. In my 30s, I began Mentalisation-Based Therapy. 18 months in fact - group and individual sessions. I didn't feel the benefits, but I knew this was my last chance. I gave it my best. Eventually, towards the end of the 18 months, there were glimpses of change. This was my next hurdle. My MBT treatment finished. I was angry. I was upset. I felt abondoned. I felt life was so unfair. Just as I was beginnning to see changes, but treatment ended.

However, this what the beginning of my recovery. I was with my area MH team at that time, and after a few rough sessions, my treating team got to know me better. I worked closely with my psychologist there and have been going on from strength to strength and with renewed understandings.

Unfortunately, as with life, the psychologist whom I worked so well with, moved on. That was my next hurdle. @BlueBay , I can definitely relate to what you mentioned about feeling abandoned by your psychologist. It seems like it's something we always have to be mindful of.

I'd love to share more, but I won't drain you all for now.

BPDSurvivor