Hi @8ppleTree 

thanks for your response. It did lead to a period of calm. It lasted about a week. Now it’s back to another episode. 

I do regular personal counselling. My wife is defensive to support, for example, the couples counsellor or psychiatrist has inbuilt patriarchy or misogyny (either male or female). In the end, if she wants to help her self, she will do it. Any external pressure (real or perceived) will just build defensiveness. 

I just work on myself, and there is plenty of my own stuff to keep me busy- e.g. being a yes man and continually place myself under extreme pressure as a default. 

reaching out to a network here is a new step for me. Thanks for responding.