Hi @Crushedreed and welcome to the forums.

It sounds like this resource has been really helpful for you in managing your own reactions which is great. 

I wonder if your wife is aware of this pattern that you're trying to break with her. Is it something that you've been able to talk about before when things were less heightened?

As I don't have lived experience to draw on for this scenario, I will leave it to some of our wonderful community members who do to offer their ideas and insights. I look forward to reading what they can add!