hello.

quick background: My wife has untreated BPD. (Long and chaotic 10year journey to get to this realisation). I’ve been using a resource to help- “stop walking on eggshells” book. It gives nice practical advice for living with someone who has BPD. 

current struggle: I was cleaning the kitchen. I believe this triggered my wife. She mentioned all the things I haven’t done, re cleaned the kitchen and decided to trash it the next day. She is adamant I provoked her to do all this and wants me to take responsibility for her actions. This 2 days of intense accusations. 

I depersonalise this. Aim to validate and communicate assertively if I’m pushed past my limits (eg.” I see things differently, I don’t believe I was uncontrolled and reactive when I asked for time out. I assertively communicate my limits and taking some self care”)

my wife seems to be growing more intense in her emotions and behavior after 3 days. I believe she is feeling invalidated and really fighting for me to fold and take all responsibility. It was a pattern I’m wanting to change. Any ideas around this? All I can see is to slug it out while she is protesting. It’s absolutely exhausting. 

thanks for your consideration.