Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hey @Luca33, it sounds like you're going through an intense time right now, and I can feel that you're hurting and conflicted.

I really want to thank you @BPDSurvivor for sharing your amazing story and perspective on recovery. 

@Luca33 I just want to affirm that it sounds like you ultimtately made a decision that honoured your needs for a respectful and healthy relationship.

I think it was a sign of respect for your wellbeing that you decided to no longer be partners with someone who was mean to you, let their "bad" side out on you, guilt-tripped you, and generally treated you worse compared to others in their life.

You said that you noticed that things with her didn't feel right early on, and throughout the relationship- I think it's important to trust these valuable gut instincts of yours.

I feel for you as I've gone through something similar regarding other peoples' behaviour- it was at least helpful for me to hear that certain behaviours were concerning, when I too was otherwise wondering if it was even that bad.

I'd like to leave you with this resource which talks about behaviours which are and are not respectful/positive in relationships- you might find it helpful. If you'd like to talk through things more, 1800 RESPECT has trained counsellors who specialise in relationships you can speak with on 1800 737 732, or through their web chat if you prefer.

Also, are there friends or others you can lean into for support? I know that being around other supportive people can really help in getting through a complicated or challenging break-up. Even company here on the forums might help. Take care 💕

[Luca33]

Thankyou for your kind words,

applogies if my last message was a mess of statements and questions haha.

Friends and family have been very supportive. I don't have a big network of close friends but the people in my life who I admire and care for have been helpful.

There was no real trust from my ex, and it's interesting how that ultimately resulted in me not really trusting her.

I remember telling myself at the beginning of the relationship to make sure I trust and not be the jelous boyfriend.

I got very little of that in return and ultimately I was a bit frightened of her reactions so I tried to vet the things I said.

I felt like I was in a movie at times. Almost like she was anticipating every stage and waiting for failure.