Dissociation

[emu12345]

To everyone that has taken time to read, support and reply to my first post I appreciate you all from the bottom of my heart.

I have read each reply and thought I would explain my situation a little more, I can't really go into depth with it because my trauma stems from when I was a child right up until adulthood and it would take me hours and hours to type.

I honestly don't know where to start, but I have educated myself over the few years about mental health which unfortunately a lot of people don't do. When I got diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder it honestly shattered my heart because I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I always tell myself and people around me that everything happens for a reason and sometimes the reason is the most horrible reason, but it still happens and there is nothing that you can do to change that. I have been researching more and more about dissociation and derealisation and seem to not get far, I feel this all day everyday, its draining, embarrassing and just life sucking. If anyone else feels like this please let me know, I would like to see how people deal when feeling this way, and how it affects you. When I tell people what it feels like is, It's like one side of my brain knows what I'm doing, where I am, and that I am alive and okay. And the other side of my brain is scared, doesn't know where I am, doesn't know what I'm doing, feeling like I'm not real, that nothing is real and to get back home because I start to hyperventilate. 

I can say though that I haven't gone back to step one, when I was first going through this I could not calm myself down and it got to the point where the ambulance were called twice in one week. That was around 3/4 years ago now. I know my breathing tactics and grounding, and while I'm out if I get that anxious I know I need to stay there and breathe through it so I don't get scared to go back to that place in the future. A big thing as well that I struggle with even when with friends, partner or my family members is places like the supermarket, bunnings, Kmart or big places because I feel like I'm stuck and I cannot move and go into that panic, I'm just wondering if anyone has any answers to why I feel like that. I have also tried to get as much medical help as I can and I am finally getting people to listen to me and my trauma and my story after a lifetime of being pushed to the side. I am highly medicated and have been since I was a teenager, I have been on all sorts of medications. These medications that I'm on now seem to work but I do shake a lot in my hands and legs when I lay down and the side affects of them all cause drowsiness.

If anyone has anymore questions feel free to ask

Thankyou again for anyone whom reads this 

Dont forget that you are loved ❤️

[Just]

@emu12345 not sure if U got my earlier message. I forget to add @..…I'm struggling a bit now to write. (Sorry),. I think your doing great! Education is fantastic. Just a bit 😔 now and having trouble getting info out to you. I'm @Just 

[emu12345]

Hello just seen your reply, Thankyou for telling me a little about yourself. Do you deal with any dissociation or derealisation at all?

[tyme]

Hey @emu12345 ,

Thank you for sharing a little about yourself. There a numerous active members here who experience dissociation. 

There can be so many reasons why this happens.

By connecting with other members here on the forums, I hope you find the support you need.

What are some things you are interested that keep you going when life gets tough?

[emu12345]

Hello, thank you for the reply. My family and my dog keep me going when I really narrow it down. I haven't seen any posts of anyone posting of dissociation/ derealisation. I have been trying to get answers about it for years now and ways I can learn how to live with it without it taking over my life which it has been. It is the most scariest feeling I have ever felt in my whole life when it plays up, and there are no triggers to it, I feel it 24/7. it comes in waves though with how much I panic, it can be a quick couple second panic or a few days worth of panic

[tyme]

These may be helpful @emu12345 :

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/Who-experiences-dissociation/m-p/1006778

https://saneforums.org/t5/Useful-resources/Dissociation/m-p/562393

[OM108]

@emu12345 

Dont forget that you are loved!

I appreciate those words from you... and want you to hear them back from all of us.

I have not had severe symptoms, but I realise looking back on my life that I have been stuck in a fight/fight/freeze response. The freeze response is where dissociation happens. It is an automatic survival reaction of the nervous system that shuts down many systems of the body to protect us from pain and death. Being stuck in this response (even when there is no longer a real threat) is the problem. It is like not being fully in the body. I feel like I go through life doing all the things, but not really connecting with any of it and not remembering much of the details.

I am happy to hear that you have grounding and breathing techniques that you can call upon to regulate your nervous system, when you are being triggered. These tools are life savers! I feel it is important to look at what provides you with a sense of safety...AND what gives you joy. You already mentioned your dog and your family. That is amazing that you have good support around you.

Do you like singing? It has benefits to increase the exhalation just like breathing exercises...but is more fun.... do it whenever you want to feel good!

[Just]

@emu12345 You asked about feelings when in large shops etc. I feel overwhelmed by too many people to much going on. My mind can't keep ways of keeping me safe in an environment that is changing rapidly and unpredictably. Does this help? @OM108 I don't think I have this right then. Just read Dissociation is when in freeze mode. I use flight mode most. So I'm guessing I'm not dissociating. Can someone help me with this? So my Q is., am I dissociating?

[NatureLover]

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@emu12345 wrote:

I haven't seen any posts of anyone posting of dissociation/ derealisation.

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Hi @emu12345 , you can search in the Search bar above for "dissociation" or "derealisation" if you like...plenty of people on here dissociate. 🙂

[BaggyJeans]

@Just from my understanding in working with my psychologist, dissociation happens with all the trauma responses (fight/flight/freeze/flop). That being said, there are different degrees of dissociation. No one can definitively tell you if you're dissociating - you need to speak to a trauma-informed psychologist or other professional to work with your symptoms and figure out what is happening. I hope this helps.