Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

@amber22 , @Bon_courage 

My husband's support team is very far between 

Not there in-between,  not helpful on the day and then he does not say much on the day 

I feel I should not interfere but sometimes I want to speak up 

[Oaktree]

@chibam @amber22 @Bon_courage @Shaz51 @Healandlove 

Building their own resilience is incredible but men should be able to access support too when they need it. Culturally we as a society need to make it more normal and acceptable for men to talk about their feelings. I am not sure how to make this a reality except by talking to the other men in our lives and encouraging them to open up and by providing a safe space for them.

Meggle

[Bon_courage]

At the beginning of this segment, I mentioned my previous role in Suicide Prevention. 

In NSW there are various drop-in centres for anyone in Suicidal distress. Importantly they are non-clinical. They are peer led - I.e. people with lived experience work there. Your presentation can be anonymous. The environment is safe, respectful, non-judgemental.......there is not even the need to talk.  

Such services may or may not be available in your state and near where you live. A web search should give you some helpful answers. 

Safe Haven - A link for NSW 

Safe spaces – (check for services near you) 

Suicide Prevention | Sydney Community Safe Space (sydneycommunitysafespaceinc.org) 

Places for Men to do things together & talk it over: 

Men Sheds - Men Shed Australia 

Mr Perfect BBQ - Mr Perfect 

Walk and talk groups. There may be one near you. 

It can be helpful to suggest Volunteering as a very viable option for fostering and establishing new connections. 

Also, religious groups & spiritual belief can play a very important role in fostering and holding hope. It is good practice to check with the person you are trying to support. 

Websites: 

Beyondblue -

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ 

Blackdog:

https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/ 

R U Okay: https://www.ruok.org.au/ 

Mentoring men:

https://mentoringmen.org.au/ 

Mensline Australia: www.mensline.org.au 

Mates in construction: MATES - Industry Based Suicide Prevention - MATES 

SANE Australia - SANE Blog addressing mens mental health 

Phone lines: 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 

Suicide call back: 1300 659 467 

Mensline: 1300 78 99 78 

Beyond Blue: Use website www.beyondblue.org.au 

SANE: 1800 187 263 

[TideisTurning]

There is also- 

Movember - Men's Health - Mental Health & Suicide Prevention  

The Man Cave | Facilitating healthy masculinity for boys and young men.  

Just in case it's useful or of interest to anyone 😊

[chibam]

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@Oaktree wrote:

Building their own resilience is incredible but men should be able to access support too when they need it. Culturally we as a society need to make it more normal and acceptable for men to talk about their feelings. I am not sure how to make this a reality except by talking to the other men in our lives and encouraging them to open up and by providing a safe space for them.

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And here's the thing, @Oaktree - it requires the "listeners" to not be horrified by what the men have to say. Because I think that a real big part of the problem is that the men are accurately predicting what the reaction would be if they ever did speak freely.

That's not an easy problem to solve.

I had a cousin who bailed out on her man because he opened up to her, and she couldn't hack what he had to say. I'm guessing he wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

[Bon_courage]

@Shaz51 Thanks Shaz. I feel being concerned and speaking up is really important. Perhaps the only thing I may add is to frame any questions as open ended .......and always use I statements rather than you statements. Very quickly blokes (speaking as one) we can get quite defensive.

[Bon_courage]

@Oaktree Completely agree. It's a gradual shift. I feel it is happening but not fast enough. So many things to watch out. Social isolation comes to mind as an important priority.

[Healandlove]

Thank you. I will look into this and see if my husband is opened to listening.

[chibam]

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@Oaktree wrote:

@chibam @amber22 @Bon_courage @Shaz51 @Healandlove 

Building their own resilience is incredible...

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Also, can I just add that I think "resiliance" is a really loaded word, too? It's like "You need to be better at taking the knocks dealt our to you, without making a fuss! You need to be more resiliant!"

To add some context, why don't we ever talk about increasing "resiliance" in the subject of domestic violence? Why is it that the focus there is on correcting the problem, rather then getting the victims to be better at weathering it? Yet when it comes to the anguishes that pummel people's mental health, the foremost expectation is on them to "be more resiliant"?

[amber22]

As we finish tonight’s discussion, I would like to thank everyone that joined us for this discussion this evening, and those that have been reading along as well. A huge thank you to @Bon_courage or sharing his advice and experience with us, and some great resources to access. Another big thank you to @TideisTurning  for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us tonight as well.  

If you would like to keep the discussion going after this evening or if you have any other questions on this topic, please feel free to head over to the Lived Experience side of our forums.  

And with that, we will end our discussion here 😊 Thank you again everyone and have a great rest of your night! 

@chibam @Oaktree @Shaz51 @Healandlove