not coping

[Snowie]

Morning lil sis @outlander 

Missing you hun and hoping things are ok

Lots and lots of love and hugs 💜💜

[outlander]

Thanks everyone

Im not going that well atm but im struggling to ask for help or feel ok accepting help. i dont really know why. i dont really even know whats wrong. There just doesnt seem to be any words. i guess i just dont really know

[Snowie]

Can understnad the struggling to accept help @outlander or ask for it.

Am sitting with you sis

💜💜

[outlander]

thanks sis @Snowie

[Snowie]

@outlander 💜💜

[outlander]

@Sans911@Snowie@Eve7@Anastasia@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7 @Emelia8 

would you guys be around? i hate to ask but i could use some advice or something i dont really know

[Zoe7]

I'm kind of around @outlander but ask away...

[outlander]

What do you do when you dont even know whats wrong? i dont really know how else to cope or how else to help myself

[Zoe7]

It is probably time you get some professional help @outlander I know you have been very reluctant to do that in the past but you cannot go on like this. You are overwhelmed with all the responsibilities you carry - whether that be self imposed or presumed by others and something has to give. So many of your health issues can be exacerbated by stress - of which you have your fair share of and that is not at all helping with your emotional wellbeing. Giving up the things you need often to be put out for others does not help either. You are the only one that can make You a priority and it seems to be time to make some really big and difficult decisions. I know we have been here before but the only way you are actually going to find yourself is to relieve some of those responsibilities you carry. You are drowning in your life because all that you are expected to do is totally overwhelming - anyone would be feeling completely lost in your present position. I also know that fear of what you would do, who you actually are and what life would be like without all these responsibilities overwhelms you too but having that space to find out is certainly better than the crushing, soul destroying and unrealistic expectations both you and others place on you at present.

Life does not have to be this way for you Hon but it really is only you that can change that ...and in my opinion you need help to do that.

[outlander]

ive been trying to make some changes @Zoe7

i wish pop would qualify for more care but he doesnt and no one else seems to offer to help even when ive asked for it. always seems to have to be on there terms.
ill be able to find out some more options when i see his specialist in about 2 weeks so hanging onto hope for that.

ive dropped down on the horses as well (the girls help with theirs mostly as well) i use to take on as many as 12 but now its mine plus max of 3/4 at a time unless its urgent matter

ive put the boundaries in that i dont watch the kids on a weekend, no overnighters and ive handed my sister abit of responsibility in watching the younger one in the day for a few hours before i come over

ive been talking to a counsellor online not for the past few weeks but before it was weekly/fortnightly and i was trying to talk to them yesterday but wasnt very good at it at all. wasted their time tbh.

i was going to go back to the psychiatrist but i dont want meds anymore to many side effects to contend with and i found out the psychiatrist basically called me a waste of time unless i was going on meds.

i see my nurse monthly too, dont really have a gp atm but trying to find one.

ive sorted out all the payment plans for bills so they are automatic and theres no debt collectors involved for pop anymore.

i even tried riding again and i couldnt get into it. the only things thats taking my mind of things is going back through my other studies and rewriting notes.