Lived Experience Forum

[alrani]

I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life, and my psychologist and psychiatrist are both recommending I enter a private hospital inpatient clinic for treatment. I’ve sent some enquiry emails and waiting for replies regarding admissions and waiting times, but I’m terrified of what to expect, and whether it’s actually going to help me at all. I’m hoping others who have voluntarily entered inpatient treatment can share their experiences and how much it helped them? I desperately need reassurance that this is the right thing to do.

A bit of background about me and what’s been going on: I’m nearly 34, have been struggling with severe mental

health issues since early high school, misdiagnosed for many years with “treatment resistant” depression and anxiety, and with BPD in 2020 just before covid shut everything down. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021, which finally explained the difficulties I’d experienced my whole life - feelings of constant overwhelm, burnout, emotional dysregulation, executive dysfunction etc. A few months later I was diagnosed with CPTSD, which fits my symptom

profile better than BPD. My psychologist also strongly suspects I have autism and OCD traits.

This year in April I had a major accident and fell down the stairs in my home, I broke my foot, sprained my spine, dislocated my shoulder and broke my arm. Subsequently I’ve developed frozen shoulder as a secondary injury. I’ve been in daily pain since April and have been off work since June. I’ve developed a trauma disorder since the accident - I don’t meet the full criteria for PTSD, my psych has assessed me as having severe adjustment disorder with complex depression and anxiety.

In short, I’m not coping at all. I was already struggling before the accident, which has now significantly exacerbated all my other issues. My relationship with my partner of 4.5 yrs has broken down completely. I’m not sleeping or eating properly, I’ve lost a lot of weight, I can’t take care of myself at all, which is adding strain to my already extremely burnt out and exhausted partner. I have SI every single day - it feels like I’m being crushed, I’m drowning, and any time I get a glimmer of hope something happens to shatter everything into pieces again. I’m tired of having to start all over again, again and again. I’m tired of being “resilient”, I just want an easy run for once in my life. I don’t want to feel alone in my suffering all the time.

[hanami]

Hi there @alrani 

Welcome to the forums. I'm one of the peer workers here at SANE. Thank you for sharing your story, it takes a lot of courage to reach out for support. I think it sounds like a good idea to have a hospital stay. I've not had a stay in a mental heath unit myself but I know many people who have found it to be beneficial. I'll tag some of our other members who may be able to share their experiences.

@Snowie @NatureLover  @jem80 @Aniela @Shaz51 @AussieRecharger @ShiningStar @outlander @HenryX @Judi9877 @Zoe7 @wellwellwellnez @Eve7 @maddison @Boo13 @pinklollipop15   @CrazyChick, @Hams , @Faith-and-Hope , @BPDSurvivor 

[StuF]

Hi @alrani 

Welcome to the forums. It's a good place

Just wanted to say that what you have gone/are going through is a Lot! Wow

I'm sorry to hear of your ongoing struggles.

It is great that you already have professional supports.

Personally, I would take their advice if you can. I've had a few admissions over the years, a couple started as involuntary in public before transitioning to private. My last admission in 2019 was voluntary in private.

I get the hesitation and fear you have, but I would suggest you give it a try. I have certainly gained benefit from all my admissions...even if they weren't much 'fun' to start with 🙂

I wish you all the best. I'm sure other members here will contribute with their own thoughts and experiences.

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @alrani,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is really brave of you to share your story with us - I understand for some people posting on the Forums in the beginning can be difficult. Please know we have many supportive members with a variety of lived experience.

It sounds like you have gone through / are going through a lot. I really feel for you. 

I wish I could share with you some wisdom or lived experience around voluntary inpatient treatment but it is something I have not experienced. I look forward to reading other peoples' insights / experiences around this.

I do hear that you are in a lot of pain physically and emotionally and I would really encourage you to get all the support you can around this. It is tough and exhausting to have to be constantly resilient - that I understand from a different lived experience. I know the term resilient is usually used in a positive light but I know there is a negative side to being resilient - it can be exhausting always rolling with the punches, particularly as you say `when you just want an easy run for once'.

I really think it is important to let someone take care of you fully - you have been through so much and you must be exhausted. Anything that can help support you to get stronger is a good thing I would think.

Wishing you all the best,

FloatingFeather  

[tyme]

Hey @alrani ,

I've had plenty of admissions. I agree with @StuF - they are certainly NOT 'fun'.

If you go in with a recovery focus, you will get more out of it. Write down some goals you'd like to achieve by being in there e.g. med adjustment, safety planning, attend education groups.

Also, it depends on which private inpatient unit you are begin admitted to. Some focus on inpatient therapy and that is the purpose of the stay. Whereas others is for acute MH and the stay is for safety and containment during a crisis.

On the other hand, public inpatient units are generally for containment during a risky period.

For me, I found outpatient units more helpful. This is where support is provided in the community. However, your situation is different from mine, so if yo do end up making the choice to be a voluntary admission, set yourself some goals for your stay.

Hope this helps a bit.

tyme

[StuF]

@alrani 

Just quickly agreeing with @tyme about going in with a focus. In my experience, there is a 'normal' length of stay in private clinics depending on what you are trying to achieve. It shouldn't be open ended (although of course things may change over the journey). So you should begin with a plan and goals (I imagine your supports would be helping you organise this anyway)

I hope it works for you if you travel this path 🙂

[BPDSurvivor]

I have BPD and CPTSD @alrani . Inpatient units were NOT for me. But this is not to say it won’t help you especially if it is recommended by your team.

 What’s different with my stays is that they were all involuntary, it was in the public system, I was acute unwell and very risky.

Whereas yours will be voluntary, in the private system and is a ‘planned’ stay. Planned stays can be super helpful if you know what you want to get out of it.

What I CAN relate to are my voluntary stays at PARCs. These stays were planned stays, they were when I was not so risky, I had goals set, I had a set period of time to achieve these goals, I had a key clinician to work with me on these recovery goals, and I made amazing connections with other residents. PARCs was perfect for what I needed. So much so that I don’t need to go there anymore! Inpatient units were too controlling (sleep time, eat time, meds time); PARCs was completely different.

So have a brainstorm about what you like to get out of your admission and it will be totally worth it.

[NatureLover]

So very sorry to hear about your situation and your distress and suffering, @alrani  😞

I can't help with answering your question, but i see the others have some good advice.

Wishing you lots of good wishes... 

[SCOOBY87]

HI 

first of all you should be proud that you reached out on this forum t takes courage to speak up and ask for support at your lowest point .Do you have a wellness recovery action plan in place with a list of phone numbers of loved ones ,therapists ,relevent health professionals .local crisis numbers ,a list of walk in crisis centres and emergencys near you . Do you know your triggers and behavours that cause you to exculate .The above will assit you when in crisis because often we are not thinking rashionally and forget but if these are on hand we feel more in control of what is going on . If you attend a emergency department they should offer a crisis intervention oficer .Also i would take there advice but also Rember when you enter the menatl health facility private or public ask about yout rights ,what is expected ,that you wnat to be informed and have a say on all decissions made about your case .If you are unfairly treated or mistreated you have a right to dispute this to the mental health tribuneral and you do not have to inform your medical professionals or therapists that you are doing so .Im not saying this will occur but i have 2 friends that have entered mental health facilitys and have felt like they have no voice and they are being told what is best for there recovery .Have you had a behavoural specialist diognois you . Us for not sleeping or eating im sorry to hear about your break up in your relationship .Now you need to think of you to be on the road to recovery what self care do you need to achieve your goals and recover .Allow your treating specialists to provide you with these .They should ask you what do you need and how best can we support you . As a peer worker in training i hope this helps .I also know what it is like to have injurys i dislocated my knee earlier this yr .I know injurys plus mental health feels like a set back but only if you let it be .Stay strong keep your head high . Journal your thoughts and emotions ,reach out and speak to a friend ,loved one or come back to this forum you always have support .Also if you choose to enter a mental health facility take comfort items and meaningful items that will feel like home and you have the right to keep your phone  .take care 

[BPDSurvivor]

Hey @SCOOBY87 @alrani ,

Awesome work on your peer work training. Hope you get lots out of it. 

For me, I do have an advance statement (advance care directive) for when/if I do go into hospital. I just states my treatment preferences. 

I can’t believe that my MH team actually read my advance statement and had a discussion with me about it! I thought, ‘they probably think I’m looney and won’t bother. They are just going to restrain me and lock me up…’ But no. I had a very good conversation with the hospital’s unit manager. She was so lovely. 

I’ve truly been blessed to have been soooooo well looked after in the public MH system despite my acuity and long MH journey.

I hope others also get the support they deserve.