Trying to be happy, isn’t working

[outlander]

@Peri 

[Peri]

JDear @Appleblossom @outlander @Eve7 @Shaz51 @Emelia8 ,

i have been absent for a while but think about you all and others . I know some of you have been going through some difficult times and I think of you.  

I too have been really having a hard time finding the positives in life.  My SI has been very active and pops into my head constantly, I really try to manage it and tell myself that life can be good, but I struggle.  

My life has changed so much over the last years and not in good ways. I hate retirement.  It is like being in a waiting room of some sort. 

And now I can’t even see my son who lives in England   It is like a grief for him. 

The sadness I feel I can’t shake off.  I seem busy , but don’t achieve anything. 

I know this doesn’t sound like much when you read it but it feels terrible to me 

my step father died in July, in Victoria and I could not see him while was I’ll and dying. And this has changed so much for the family and I feel very far away from them all.

i don’t know what to say, but I would like to start a day without feeling so sad

peri

[Former-Member]

Hello @Peri I am so sorry for the loss of your stepfather. I am in a similar boat with the borders and losing a loved one, so am sitting beside you with this  Sending you light, and please know that here in this community we all hear you and are with you in the journey (virtually of course).

[Appleblossom]

Hello@Peri 

It is always a challenge to deal with grief and being alone.

When I have been in heavy periods of SI it is very trying talking onself out of it. It can be incessant or sneak up on me unawares. It becomes easier when I can be more indirect like, having ways to absorb and express the sadness (through music).  I am not sure what activities you feel you can lose yourself in, craft or something??   Sometimes those things can seem like unecessary sidelines, when the more important issues are in flux, but still they can keep us on track.

Hello @Former-Member Sorry to hear you have lost someone recently.

[Peri]

Thank you

[Eve7]

From my garden @Peri

❤️

[Peri]

They are beautiful thank you

[Peri]

Dear @Eve7 @Former-Member @outlander @Shaz51 ,many years ago in my vey easily thirthies I made contact with my birth family.   Whilst this has bought many happinesses and much fun it has bought sadness and isolation too this has most evidently been made obvious over my step fathers death in Melbourne,  I am not thought of as part of the groups of siblings in the same way. Even though they always knew of my existence.  I have three full sisters and some four half sisters and four half brothers.  One brother and one sister are dead now. But that is still a lot of us.  I have been most close to my full sisters.  I I do get left out of stuff and forgotten. I understand how this can happen. But after nearly forty years I have come to see it.   I belong to another family. My beautiful adoptive family. There has never been any question there of my place or belonging. My brother and I were equal   I was happy then. 

I have not been truly happy sine going on this quest. And now I must say goodbye to them all. 

Peri

[Eve7]

Sending big love my dear friend.

I can’t talk tonight

❤️💙❤️

[Peri]

Thank you I appreciate your thoughts